A Long Expected Update

So, it's been awhile. I'd apologize but I have been stricken by a terrible disease. Lazy-ass cantwriteapostitis. Luckily, the Calgary Flames Blogosphere met last evening and pried me out of my lethargy. Duncan, MetroGnome, WalkInvisible, Leanne and Dave (and some others) are some good people and even better company. At any rate, after we calculated the degrees separation between us we got down to business. In Brief:

The 6 Game winning streak on the road was nice. Don't get too excited. Those wins were courtesy of Iggy so please, stop talking about a leadership void in the dressing room. The Flames on paper should be winning the Stanley Cup; ironically, the opposition is not bowing to our statistical superiority. If championships were won on stats alone the Yankees would have won the World Series 40 times. On ice, the Flames have been performing at a mediocre level. I'm kinda low on clever ideas as to why. The only consistent theme has been the unpredictability of the Calgary Flames.

Nystrom is in my good books. I love his energy, grit, and determination. Why, we should refer to him as Sandbox II. Conroy is on the fast track to be sweeping out the arena after game (don't worry though, he'll pull it together) and Kipper continues to be having a rough year.

UPDATE SOON!

I promise. Worst week ever to be busy. So many postable things occuring in the NHL.

Flames Bottle Lightning

As most of the loyal GSN readers are Canadians (google analytics baby, I'm watching you watch me) you may be asking why the post game report has a picture of Timmies. Well, have you ever been to a Timmies located next to a highway and they guy in front of you orders the mythical insta-arteryClogger cholesterolEhancer massive-coronary in-a-biodegradable cup TRIPLE-TRIPLE? I have and it's not pretty. What is pretty though is the Calgary Flames blasting in 9 goals against the TB Lightning. In one game. Better yet, Iggy and the Juice posting hat tricks each henceforth known as the Triple-Triple. To make up for his sieve like goal tending, Kipper posted an assist as well.

So, let's stop the bus here a second. Last nights goal-a-thon was PPV so I had to listen to the fan960 on the internet. I may have missed some of the key elements but it sure seems like everyone got some huge points last evening. Even on the TB side as they pumped in a mere 6 goals themselves. All I can say is WTF?

Keenan was quoted as saying: "Anything that could happen, did. Neither coach would be happy with this game in terms of the defensive play. And if you're an offensive coach, you loved it. I don't there there are any offensive coaches in the league"

Oh, Iron Mike, I beg to differ. Tortorella is a pretty offensive guy. I'm sure his post game comments were, "YEARGH RAWRG GGGGNNNSH We NEED SOME GODDAMN GOALTENDING!" then he likely had to change his shorts because he soiled them with rage. The big T also dies his beard.

So it is still not time to get excited about the Flames. Please remain fashionably calm. Yes they have strung together 3 wins but Kipper didn't do so hot, Eriksson has returned to minus 70 kabillion and our PP still looks iron deficient in a Mischa Barton sort of way. Winning is good, and I will gladly accept the 2 points but chalk this one up to revenge for TB winning the cup in 2004. If the Flames return from this road trip 6-0 then I will get excited. I might even squee. Not before.

BREAKING NEWS!

THE LOCH NESS MONSTER HAS BEEN FOUND!

-- CORRECTION --
The loch ness monster has NOT been found. The Flames offensive lines found their mojo instead.

The Flames scored 9 goals last night, I bet some fools in the safeway score and win competition won a personal Airbus A380 or something. Hot damn what a score!

The Church of Kiprusoff

All Rise

It would appear, after the last few outings, that Miikka is finding his groove. With a save percentage creeping back in the ~0.90 range and a plummeting GAA we look no further than Martha Stewart to reach this startling conclusion: it's a good thing. Can I get an AMEN for stealing the game against the Chicago? Can I also get an AMEN for a solid performance (in the shootout no less) against the Panthers.

Iggy's on a tear, the Juice is loose, and Eriksson is only minus a kabillion a clear improvement from November where he was minus a hajillion. I don't want to be bold and say we're turning the corner but the Flames have caught on that they need to perform at a ridiculous pace for the rest of the season to ensure a sniff of the post season. For details visit the numerically enhanced fiveholefanatics for an awesome perspective of the crosby hype please visit openicehits.

Flames Penguins Roast Pre-game

MetroGnome has it covered: CHECK IT

Man, I can't wait for Regs to introduce Crosby to our new boards.

GuerillaTactics: The Sidney Hype Machine

In a deviation from my usual 'plot' I would like to discuss the Oilers. Now, it's known that I am not an Oilers fan. However, I did cheer them on in during their cup run and I have to admit they are impressing me of late with their determination and grit. This will be a tough year for them but look out in the future. But last night, the Pens visited the Oilers. I would like to discuss that.

Firstly, let's discuss the Bettman powered HYPE-O-TRON 3000 that is Sidney Crosby. I can't recall such nonsensical bullshit about one player 'debuting' in western Canada. For the love of all that is proper! TSN had a dedicated 24 hour panel discussing the impact of Sid's visit. Ironically, during the intermission they even admitted they were contributing to the hype just a wee bit. Crosby is talented, I will not take that away from him. However, he is but one man, he's also 20 years old, and let's not forget he's got a halfway decent supporting cast (Talbot, Malkin, Staal, etc). Bettman seems to be hitching the entire NHL on his shoulders which is depressing as hell.

Tangent # 1:
Personally, I do not want the NHL to become like the NFL with it's strange misogynist and church like aura. I think good old Gary is going for exactly that feel. Growing up, HNIC was a family event that included everyone and the dog. I suggest to you that my pup knew the Flames lineup as well as anyone. The stereotype of football is that women fetch the snacks and ask silly questions during the game (granted this may be far from the truth but you cannot deny the stereotypes associated with Sunday Football, Monday Night Football). When we talk hockey, my wife is a better hockey fan than me (casually dominating several pools which I never do), and if we look around at the blogs, the HLOG community proves that ladies like the hockey too. Gary, it's a family thing, not a testosterone fest.

The game itself was BORING as the Oilers completely dominated the Pens during the first two periods. So how did we end up with the Pens winning? Well, I'm no conspiracy theorist but I think someone made a call, perhaps threatened to move the Oiler franchise to Venezuela, in the event the Pens were not allowed to win the game. In the third period the Oil just stopped playing. That's not a characteristic of that team in any sense. I hope they got paid for going down in the 3rd. . .

Tangent #2:

Superstars. I am damn tired of the media fawning over Sid and Ovie. Good lord, these guys have a ways to go before they can legitimately be compared to Gretzky or anyone for that matter. If you look at the bona fide superstars, (Orr, Howe, Gretz, Messy, Sakic, Iggy etc) you notice one thing, LONGEVITY. Gary Roberts is a superstar in opinion, he's been at this hockey thing for 20 years! I only need to point to Lindros. So much potential, one nasty hit and he was never the same. Anyhow, my point is this: show some love to all the young guns, Kane, Toews, Phaneuf, Gagne, Cogs, etc. You have a veritable plethora of potential superstars, not just two. Oh wait, we only fawn over players in the US, the market Bettman is so desperately trying to 'break into'

So, back to Bettman. In a sentence, he's gotta go. I don't think he has the foresight to lead the NHL into the future in a sustainable manner. If he botches the next CBA and there is a lockout/strike the NHL is DONE. That would be a sad sad day. And his voice annoys me. So before Sid collapses under all the pressure of being Bettman's personal messiah can we diversify the NHL portfolio and look to spread the risk around a bit? Bettman is one 'hit from behind' away from losing the NHL. (he must break into night terrors whenever the Pens play the Flyers)

Pregame vs The Blues.

Tonite, Jarome the Conqueror leads his paltry army against the vile STL Blues. Ironically, blue is the current color of my mood when the Flames are mentioned.

While a pregame is not the place to mention this suff I would like to get a few things off my chest. If you're short on time scroll on past this to the prediction section.

1) Iginla. Words cannot capture the greatness of Iggy. Be it a dominating presence on the ice, scoring goals, setting up goals, leading the team. . . is there anything he can't do better than most others in the league? Where would we be without him.

2) Kipper. Kipper is off his game. Seeing as this is the first slump we have had with him between the pipes I suggest everyone dial down the panic and dial up the support. Everyone loves a winner, especially when they are winning. If you're at the game tonite maybe whip up a sign 'We're here for Kipper' or perhaps, 'Win one for the Kipper!'.

3) Keenan. I can't decide if he's a genius or a complete and utter idiot. Playing Phaneuf 30 minutes a game is stupid and makes Dion stupid. Anyone catch the 'spinning pirouette pokey check' Dion tried on Getzlaf? That's a classic symptom of fatigue. Getzy is a guy you crush into the boards, you don't stick check him. I think Dion knows this. How about Keenan playing Ramholt for a total of 45 seconds? Geez, the kid made a mistake let him try to make up for it. Lastly, who bag skates their team the day of a game? Keenan apparently. I'd say some of the Flames problems are stemming from being beat down. For that Keenan is a fool.

4) Rumored changes. Man, Keenan is here for the year so settle down people. Secondly, don't expect a trade, we have nothing to offer anyone right now. Who you gonna give up? The scouts want Phaneuf or Iggy, the two most non-tradeable players we currently have. Ain't gonna happen.

Prediction:
STL is on the prowl. If you haven't noticed of late they are 8-1-1 over the last 10. One could say they are hot in a Jamaican Jerk chicken sort of way. You don't think it's hot until you're scrounging for tums to stop the intestinal burning. The Flames, on the other hand, are decidedly not hot. In fact, one wonders if their ability to win is at the city morgue with a toe tag reading Dead on Arrival. Of course these are the facts. Since when are predictions based on fact? The Flames are going to win this one. Jarome is going to get at least 3 points because Toivonen will lose his shit and resemble a sieve. The Juice will break the slump while playing on the 3rd line with Nolan and Nystrom (yeah, I know it's not possible given positions and such but work with me here). Regehr will get the hit of the game after rubbing out Stempniak as he attempts to streak in to the offensive zone. Kipper will bust out his best Ron Hextall impression and knock Tanguay the fuck out because Tangs will score STL's only goal in the game. This goal will be awarded to Keith T-Chunk.

Flames:4 STL: 1

Futility Watch

Commenting on the Flames is an exercise in futility and ironically most of my day is spent working in manner reminiscent of futility so call me a futility expert

This road trip started well. The middle was bad. The ending was . . . lame. The Wings at the Joe are a must beat team. If 3 defensemen can't stop one guy weird things start to happen. You hear murmurs of a superstitious nature. Suddenly a trip to the Joe is more like walking through the gates of Hell itself instead of a day at the office.

Where do we start? I don't know anymore. We have the pieces necessary to bring home Lord Stanley's hallowed beer stein. This is a fact we can take to the bank given that each game we see glimmers of hope from all potential aspects of the game we call hockey. However, it would be pretty neat to see all things working in one game at the same time. I won't presume it's anyone's fault but rather the failing of the team to pull it together on a collective basis.

While I do not believe the Flames are on the ropes, they aren't in the same situation as the Leaf's, I would not say they have turned the corner. Instead we are restricted to a special place, a purgatory if you will, where the Flames will still hit lots of posts, have at least one portion of their game stink each time they step on the ice in regulation time and sadly not accumulate the points necessary to choke the competition.

And, it makes me sad.

Don't Lose the Dayjob Dion

Dion Phaneuf's air Guitar is broken!! - Watch more free videos

More hockey stuff later, I'm reeling from all the sporting events this weekend.

tonight should be interesting

Flames Exhibit Athletic Bipolar Disorder Symptoms

Maybe it was the yelling earlier in the week. Maybe the it was the long overdue promotion of Lombardi to the first line. Maybe it was Owen Nolan's offensive prowess awakening. Anyway you cut it, the Flames eked out a win against a divisional rival. Against the Avs no less.
I abso-freaking-lutely REFUSE to prognosticate anything based on the Flames performance last evening. Historically, this season, we can expect to lose the next 4 games despite the team playing halfway to their potential Tuesday night.

It's been mentioned that the Flames Defense needs to move the puck more reliably. When the scoring summary reads, "Iginla Goal, assisted by Lombardi, Regehr" one can only point and shriek excitedly ABOUT DAMN TIME. For two reasons: lombo is on the 1st line bringing the level of speedy play by that unit up to lethal status. The second reason, maybe Regs can learn to move that puck. Maybe. I don't want to get excited here because I still witnessed some stellar defense idiocy (ie Sakic being all alone in the offensive zone) but perhaps there is life in the Flames after all.

Nolan - Connie - Nystrom. This. has. potential. Leave it alone Keenan. Kipper looked ok as well. Now, if we could only build on this instead of whiplashing back into the mediocrity of last week.

MacT is mental

so silverfox MacT came up with new line combos i guess when he was in the shower, and came up with this genius matchup for tonight's game:

VS

stortini on a checking line vs the two homos. i say stortini will be at -6 by the 10min mark of the first period.

Flames Quarterly Report

DRAMA! So, Keenan weighed in on the Flames. After he yelled and screamed and banged his stick against the boards repeatedly. Aucoin mentioned that Keenan was right to finally snap. Ya think? Anyhow, Keenan's not saying anything the rest of the Flames bloggers haven't said already. MG probably wrote the report for him. The statistics speak for themselves.

Canucks Bollocks Flames

The Canucks have improved to 8-0-1 when facing divisional opponents. I think I liked Luongo better when he was a Florida Panther. I am starting to feel, as a Flames fan, we're in for a long season. Every time I get excited they bollix it up. Despite registering 9 more SOGs than the Nucks, the Flames failed to get more than one goal on Lanky Lou.
Most of the NHL pundits thought the turning point of the game was Vancouver's kill of the Flames 5 on 3. Personally, I disagree. Our PP is erratic at best. If you wanted to isolate the real turning point look no further than 3 seconds before the first Vancouver goal. When our Defense collided leading to the turn over that Sedin buried. For the love of all that is proper, could we please stop piling into each other? I've watched novice kids not crash into each other at age 9.
In other news, Regs took a slapper to the head, and had to leave the game. This is not great news but hopefully the Regster can pull it together in time for the Avs because we desperately need to win some divisional games. We can leech all the points off the Oilers we want, but SO WILL EVERYONE ELSE! Point of order here, the Canucks only had 5 defensemen and they still took it to us.
On a go forward basis this game speaks volumes. Kipper is a solid goal tender but he requires a much stingier defense corp in front of him. Our Offense is delivering a decent number of SOGs but the quality of chances needs to be improved. A good goaltender stops every shot they can see. A great goalie can anticipate, so you have to be more aggressive in front of the net. The Flames can expect to see the Canucks in the playoffs, so they better get sorted out when facing them.

Ohlund out for 4 games!

I dunno, I think Koivu was diving . KIDDING! I like the injury report, Koivu is out with a broken bone in his leg. You don't have too many bones in your leg so it must be serious. This bodes well for the Flames. This doesn't bode well for the Wild.

Battle of Alberta

Well, that was a solid game on all levels. The Flames definitely deserved the win in my opinion and if you're an Oilers fan I would be getting very excited about the future of that club. This post is scant on details because the Flames are up again tonite against the 'Nucks.

Flames:
Welcome back guys you had me at DEFENSE. Granted the oil are fielding a young team but they have been playing extremely well of late and Garon is backstopping like nothing else. Still, at the end of period 2 the shots on goal were 8-20 in Calgary's favour. That's what I like to see. As for offense, the Nystrom, Nolan, Lombo line was incredible. Speed, scoring, grit! Oh yeah! And Connie, bout damn time. Kipper looked stellar as well. Tonite's tilt against the Canucks will be a true test.


Oil:
Man, the first period had so much energy and I would credit 60% of it to the Oilers. This team is going to be a serious contender towards the end of this season and definitely next season. Garon looks better than Rollie. More than anything the Oil need a goalie that can steal some games for them.

Guerilla of the Week

Begrudgingly, Jeremy Roenick has made the cut for this week's GotW. Congrats to Jeremy on his 500th goal. Roenick is no stranger to controversy but this year it seems the Leafs cast of rogues is outdoing him. Poor Jiri Tlusty, didn't he see Justin Timberlake's instuctional video? Clearly, Tlusty missed step 2.

Some of you may be wondering, why is that Richard Simmons' picture? Well, I have a strict no-Roenick policy. In fact, I may have been forced to write this post at gun point.

Guerilla Tactics: Hypothetically Speaking.

Due to the vulgarities of reality, things have been a wee bit slow at GSN headquarters. Never fear dear reader, we are not dead, we are merely resting.

At the start of this exercise, I never really appreciated the depth of the NHL blogosphere. Now, I cherish it with a wild and reckless abandon. Many of the NHL blogging community contribute to a tree of knowledge, so tasty and ripe, I laugh at the average color commentator. Sadly, I do not contribute as effectively as my counterparts so I aim to pick the fruits of their labour and ensure they get even more exposure. Today is a classic example.

Today I wanted to discuss a hypothetical situation regarding the tenure of Mike Keenan. I can say with authority, fiveholefanatics and penguinBuzz have kicked my ass soundly with their co-posting adventure of Flames-Pens trading. But Back to Keenan for a moment. A local news publication, known fondly as 'Metro', had a column done by Marty York claiming that Keenan's time at the helm of the Flames may be coming to a close. Marty has a knack for breaking stories (according to his metro profile) . . . in the CFL so I can't really back the guy up here (anyone can break a story if they wildly predict every outcome). However, were the Flames to ditch Iron Mike, who would take the reins? I could only hope Sutter would make a return to the bench but I highly doubt it. Playfair wouldn't step up which leaves one distinct possibility, Wayne Gretzky. HA, kidding of course.

The BoA had a phenomenal post on Wednesday regarding mainstream media and blogs. I would advise reading it. Clearly the 'staff' here at the GSN are not journalists nor do we adhere to strict journalistic principles but Andy has me thinking about the quality of our content. For that, I am in his debt.

That folks, ends this weeks installment of Guerilla Tactics. We now return to our regularly scheduled sarcasm, misspelling, and poor grammar related to things NHL.

Five Game Skid Snapped

Well well well, finally something fun to post about. A Flames Victory!
Yesterday's tilt was extremely well pre-gamed by the crew. Read about it here, here and here. As well, bid WI well on her trip across the pond.

So, to 'bidness. I was relegated to highlights mostly as I was rocking out at a concert. Travis is an extremely talented band and the show was equally awesome. However, I made sure to catch most of the first period. I saw some speed! I saw some life! Maybe the woes of late were related to the 'strep throat' going around the locker room? (not likely)

Anyhow, Dion scored the only real goal for the Flames. The rest were lucky and it's damn nice to see the luck going our way for a change. Iggy's goal was legendary and deserves a moments appreciation for the laws of physics. I am amazed Juice's goal was allowed as it seemed to rip apart the space time continuum while finding a way past Backstrom. Kipper stopped 26 shots enroute to the win but still seems plagued by nasty bounces and sketch D puck side pressure. Actually, I'm not sure that sentence makes sense, I think the Flames need to do the trash drill from disney's the Mighty Ducks.

I will not sit here and tell you the Flames woes are over. They are not. Minnie didn't dress a few key guys last night so while we can enjoy the victory, we shouldn't savor it. CGY has more potential than drawbacks, but the team must persevere through adversity. They need to bail out the Kipper, the hockey gods know they owe him huge, while he finds his feet. Hard work, discipline, and a strong sense of team need to the main thoughts of every member on that team for the rest of this season.

Silence

The Flames Blogosphere is oddly quiet after the Flames performance during hockey night in Canada. Oddly quiet. I feel a long post coming on . . . Perhaps it is time to reflect on a great many things. As fans we want our team to win. Not unlike the Roman mob in ancient times we are a fickle bunch. When our team does well we love them. When the Romans' blood lust was not satisfied heads started rolling in the sandy dirt of the Coliseum. Or in our case, the firing of coaches, the public criticism of players and the terrifying bag skate during practice. As fans, especially Calgary fans oft accused of being bandwagoneers, we need to learn patience. If you only support the winners you'd be a Senators fan this year but a Wings fan last year. Allegiance is a good character trait.

What is going on:

Kipper.
Kipper is not Kipper right now. I cannot provide a solid reason but his .867 save percentage and GAA of 3.73 are wildly uncharacteristic. Equally odd, a 5 game skid. This hasn't happened EVER in Kipper's tenure as a Flame. Expect a wild turnaround in short order.

the PK.
Once regarded as the stingiest, grittiest, and hardest working team in the NHL, the Flames are now an even money bet on the PK. Opponents salivate during 5 on 4s because they can taste the rubber and twine mixing after a blast from the point sneaking past a screened Kipper. Oh the humanity, when Edmonton scores on the PP you know things are in trouble. 69.6% effective on the PK, that's a painful stat.

Scoring
Coming off the heels of Rocktober, scoring a healthy 3.5 goals a night the Flames offensive output has, apparently, gone on strike. A measly 1.4 goals an outing thus far in November. Secondary scoring or not, this is not a good stat when your goals against is high. Get stingy or get scoring.

The Keenan Factor:
We have not progressed far enough into the season to know the impact of Keenan. Is he losing the room? Crushing confidence and ego with reckless abandon behind closed doors? Or is he ridding the Flames of the lackidasical whimsy that afflicted them last season?

Sutter and Contracts:
We have some big names on the cusp of free agency. Are these players worrying more about themselves as individuals than as members of a championship worthy team? I would not presume this to be a large factor but it would be on the minds of Juice, lanks and Dion. If the team continues to slide these boys may lose solidarity and confidence in the team as a whole. Have Sutter's more dubious personnel decisions come to haunt him? Kobasew and Ferrence look mighty appealing right now given the numbers Kobasew is posting down in Boston. Andy was always a strong leader in the dressing room. I look at the current faces, Aucoin, Nolan, Eriksson and I long for some of the 2004 vintage grit and determination.

Identity, Edge and Confidence
Right now the professional analysts like to truck out the concepts of edge, identity, and confidence as they relate to NHL teams/organizations. I have never been fond of the hazy abstract concepts of confidence and edge. In my daily work life, my employer rarely evaluates my confidence. I am a resource, a unit of work. Basically, I do shit. If that shit does not get done there is someone beating down my door until it is done. If I fail, I am replaced. Not much room to build confidence in there. Edge is another ill defined concept. NHL pundits act as though edge is a commodity, something you can package and sell. I tried putting it in the soft skills section of my resume and was laughed out of an interview. But identity I understand. This is the brand the Flames provide, what defines them as an opponent, what they can sell down at the marketplace commonly known as a rink. I would contend the Flames are embroiled in an identity crisis. Who are they, how do opponents view them and when you step on the ice against them what are you facing? In years past it was a gritty, highly defensive, low scoring jauggernaut with the conditioning and discipline to make opponents wary of crossing the blue line. The Flames made you earn your pucks in the corners, they made those little battles in the neutral zone pivotal and if you wanted that bit of bouncing rubber you best be prepared to eat plexiglass to get it. Discipline, determination, grit and winning battles for loose pucks formed the mantra of a winning Flames team. Were I a member of the Flames, I would remember this now and return to the style of game that made them great. Gentlemen, remind your rivals why they should fear you.

Canucks beat down the Flames

Wow. Any Flames fan who watched the game last night can't be a happy camper today. Come on Flames, at least win one for the Kipper! I am going to cover the bad, the ugly, and the worse.








The Bad:

• Losing Lanks to a crappy hit from behind. Way to go Cooke, any time you play the Flames they will be looking to kill you.
• Our Defense. AGAIN. The highlight was Eriksson standing in the crease when Burrows scored. He looked confused. Or was the highlight when Hale passed to Linden who set up Burrows. With so much ass-tastic play to choose from, it's difficult to narrow it down. At least they were trying to block shots.

The Ugly:

• Flames Offense. GET IT TOGETHER! Stop acting like you've never played with your linemates before. If I hear one more: 'Conroy overskates the puck, Tanguay takes a pass in his skates, Lombardi is in all alone' I just might flip out.
• Speed. I've noticed the Flames are slow. It appears they can't capitalize on rushes because they move like molasses in January. Get some legs!
• How about the call on Sedin for diving? Classic.
  

The Worse or What is wrong with the Flames:

• Could the delays in re-opening Cowboys Nightclub be affecting their performance?
• Does Keenan have to get all Keenan with them?
• Are expectations crushing the Fragile Flames?
  It is because they are not the underdog, the perennial cellar dweller, the team least likely to succeed? The only thing missing from the team compared to the year of the last cup run, is the underdog label. Weird how that works.
  

PreGame: Flames v Canucks

Well the Flames face of against an injury riddled Canuck squad tonite. The Flames blogosphere has been quiet so I will weigh in on my prediction for this evening. Canucks, 3-1. This isn't because I dislike the Flames, have been beaten senseless and suddenly think the Sedin twins are actually human and not aliens . . . I predict this because the Flames haven't hit rock bottom yet. They haven't pushed Keenan over the edge into a murderous rage. I think they want to. So, watch for the defensive gaffes to continue and despite Kipper heroics we will lose. Then Keenan will flip. Then the winning will begin.

oilers vs minnesota

so i guess the oilers lost 5-2 last night in minnesota
i didn't watch cause minnesota puts me in a coma
i elected to watch heroes instead


















kristin bell's power is she can never appear in the show

go oilers

Flames Buried by Avalance

Not even the heroics of Kipper could save the Flames in Colorado. I don't have much to say on this other than I remain hopeful that the Flames offense finds it's road legs sooner rather than later. More SOGs!

Pre-Game: Avs vs Flames

This evening the Calgary Flames look to stave off a 3 game losing skid while on the road. Of course, the could not have picked a better team to play; the Colorado Avalanche. Despite losing to the Avs in their last 6 meetings and who can forget blowing the 4 goal lead last time they were in the Pepsi Centre, Iggy and the boys remain confident they will prevail against the likes of Sakic and Svatos. Keep in mind, it was Sakic and Svatos that engineered Calgary's lame assed defeat October 16th.

So what can Calgary do to ensure victory? Well, leave eriksson at the hotel for starters. Perhaps light a small but very hot fire under the ass of Robyn Regehr. MetroGnome at FiveHoleFanatics has some stellar indepth analysis of the current Flames defensive situation. While I hope for a Flames win, I predict this will be a loss in OT or the shootout.

Flames Burn the Preds

Fresh off the news of Kipper's long term deal the Flames, deep in their long home stretch, faced the Nashville Predators. To be fair, Nashville is having a rough season, the bulk of their core vanished in the off season and the near constant talks of moving the team must be giving Coach Barry a case of the 'trotz'. Regardless, the Preds have a lineup filled with cool sounding names like Bonk, Radulov, Fiddler and the ever feisty Tootoo so they should get some credit for providing the color commentators an endless stream of material.

To the game:
The star of this game was Kipper. How many times have we said that? Hundreds. But it's the first time this season that I've seen Kipper be, well Kipper (killed a minute long 5 on 3 don't you know). Was it a better showing from the Calgary D-corps? Maybe but the Preds racked up 40 SOG so it was a busy night for the Flames netminder. On a few occasions the Flames looked mighty scrambly but they would snap out of it and get back to what they do best this season, scoring goals.

It helps when your opposing netminder, Mason, has been leaking like a sieve of late but to Mason's credit he made some highlight reel saves. Nonetheless, Iggy converted twice, the Juice fanned in a dirty filthy five hole goal, Lombardi shoveled in a high speed backhand, and Nystrom tallied his first NHL goal in a 2 on 1with Moss late in the 3rd. Radulov tallied for the Preds on a PP ending their drought for road PP goals. This fact was highlighted with Trotz twitching a sigh of relief on the Pred bench. Tootoo was oddly absent in this game as the only thuggery was presented by Zidlicky with a late elbow on Mark Smith. As usual, it was a non-call (you can guess who was reffing), but hey, what's new?

So, an excellent performance but one to be expected when you play a team lurking in the NHL's basement. No offense to the Preds, they are in a tough spot (unlike some other teams Leafs and Canucks) and need to rebuild the team. A solid win for the Flames but tougher opponents lay ahead. I would expect the boys are getting ready to deliver.

This Week in Guerrilla Tactics: Cap Management

Kipper is SIGNED

This isn't much of a scoop, you can read about it here, here, here, here, here, and here. Maybe there too.
Point being, Miikka Kiprusoff (damn that is hard to spell) is a Calgary Flame for the foreseeable future. I haven't parsed the details of the contract but it is front weighted and roughly in the area of 5.8 million per year which is excellent compared to Luongo's 6.75M/yr. There is a sense of excitement in Calgary as the core of the team has been solidified, Iggy, Regs and the Kipper. But the bad news is Phaneuf, the Juice and Lanks are heading into RFA/UFA territory at the end of this season. Phaneuf is especially concerning given the Edmonton Oiler's Offer sheet tactics of late. Not to mention the guy is playing well and deserves a huge raise. While signing the kipper at 5.8M is a wicked deal, I doubt Sutter got any sleep given what lies ahead. As a general note this would be a really good year for the Flames to try and win the cup while they have such a stellar roster. I'm just saying . . .

UPDATE:
Sharp Eyed Shaun points to this blasphemous article: Not Everyone Happy with the Kipper Deal.
Like any article produced in the center of the universe (toronto) it's a bit short on fact, references, sources or any content worth digesting. Anyhow, I will hit the high points:

1. Leland Irving is apparently not happy because he will have to 'beat out' Kipper for a spot on the team. Of course, no one in TO called Leyland, they just assume he's upset. By the way HE'S 19! He's the future! Do the bloody math, goalies are good from 28-35 . . . .
2. If we can trust this POS article (which sources NOTHING) we can assume that Kipper's deal is front loaded leaving plenty of cap room towards the end of his deal.
3. You know who else probably isn't happy about this deal? Brian Burke. Because he was most certainly screwed out of getting a goalie . . . oh wait, he doesn't give a shit.
4. Jeremy Roenick was upset by this deal because it further highlights his complete lack of value to any NHL team.

* Updated to reflect my idiocy regarding the Cap, the cap will be 5.8M per year despite what Kipper's payout actually is. Thank you loyal GSN readers for enlightening me.

Potential Live Blog of the Flames-Avs Game!

Avs 3 Flames 2
OT - I hate you Ryan Smyth!
3.4:00 ugh, PK crapped out and we're tied.
3.9:00 Good to see moss back causing trouble, back to the PP
3.11:00 5 on 3! Yup, we have a Flames game, the big M disallows a goal with a real quick whistle . .
3.12:00 Get in the sin bin Clark, stop molesting Kipper. PP for the Flames.
3.14:00 Magoo is still a wank but the boys are on the PK . . .
3.16:00 I still need more Yeile! Happy Birthday Mikka!
3.18:00 Ouch, Tangs crashes awkwardly into the boards

Period 2 Summary:
Nothing Exciting other than we're winning.

2.2:00 The Flames are circling the net with authority . . . good things may happen.
2.4:00 PP was a bit weak on the part of the Flames. Smyth and Dion still beaking at each other
2.6:00 YeeHaw, Flames PP for 43 seconds! oh wait! 5 on 3, go get em boys
2.8:00 Lame assed Avalanche dive, way to go magoo.
2.10:00 Who is this team? the Flames look moderately stylish here.
2.12:00 Tangs and Iggy are getting some excellent chances . . . 22 SOG for the Flames, 10 for the Avs
2.14:30 Decent Flames PK, tho there was a sketchy moment when the avs turned Kipper inside out.
2.16:00 Flames Pemalty, awesomeness. Dion vs Smyth? (I'll take Phaneuf any day. This is not so good, the Flames get wacky on the PK
2.17:00 I need more Stephane Yelle!
2.18:30 HA, Lombardi, Hot Wheels scores again!


Period 1 Summary:
Despite the early goal at the hands of the Mr. Sakic the Flames clearly stuck their game plan and applied a steady consistent offensive pressure. Sakic was not allowed to roll freely after his goal and Lombardi is made some solid D plays to support the Kipper who looks sharper. The result of the solid effort was Tangs rolling into a sweet lead pass and blasting a shot past Theodore.

-- General Comment: is Dion ever not on the ice?
1.3:28 Decent Flames Pressure.
1.4:48 TANGS! I LOVE IT WHEN YOU SHOOT! Flames Goal, scored by #40 Alex Tanguay!
1.6:00 Is George Bush commentating? 'Stay the Course Calgary, Stay the Course!'
1.7:00 Decent Flames offensive pressure. I bet Goddard gets the first goal.
1.9:10 Aucoin hits the post, if the color commentators don't STFU I think I will scream.
1.10:00 Ok, this is a strangely unemotional game, not seeing much in the way of anything here. Smyth drilled Aucoin but that's it. Clearly the flames are thinking about what bar they are going to tonite.
1.12:30 Stupid Joe Sakic scores. Man, Flames D, please wake up.
1.14:40 Flurry of activity in front of theodore, Aucoin and the Juice looking good. Kipper makes a nice save on some Av fool.
1.16:07 Alright, I'm in and settled. Not much happening at this point. Theo is in net for the Avs so that means we should be scoring plenty.

Don't it just break your heart?

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Flames Fizzle at Home Against the Sharks.

I am using this picture to distract you, loyal GSN readers, from the stench of last evenings Flames game. The ghosts of 06-07 returned.

Granted I didn't tune in until period two as I was at spin class (all GSN writers are required to pass a grueling conditioning test) but let's review the Sharks Flames stankfest.

The NHL, executing it's new policy of reviewing every Goddard goal, disallowed the first Flames tally of the evening. It ain't a Flames game unless one Flames goal is disallowed. To be honest, I've seen dirtier goals scored by the Leafs be allowed but whatever. Secondly, Tangs makes an absolutely BRILLIANT play that results in a short handed goal. At least he admitted it. Kipper got pulled and McElhinney convincingly proved he's not ready for primetime. . . yet. Lanks did snap Nabby's shutout. That was nice. Lanks is going to have a great year. A morale boost was JR getting creamed by Regs. As per usual, he upped his douche bag quotient with this memorable sound bite:

"When something like that where a player is injured and you come off the ice and people boo, that's bush league to me," Roenick said. "It's pretty disrespectful to boo them and I just wanted to acknowledge to them that I'm still here and I'm still playing."

Hey Roenick, I have this to say to you: fuck off and die. You lack any relevance in the NHL so do us a favour and retire. You call that playing? I bet you don't get your 500th goal before next season you wanker. I will boo for 3 people when they get up: Roenick, Ribeiro, and Tootoo.

Dave's thoughts take the cake with "Holy Mackinaw". I don't know what a mackinaw is but I think that's a memorable quote. WI has, as ever, chimed in with some solid analysis on Kipper, Dion, and Tangs. As well, bonus points are awarded for spelling guarantee correctly. Something we couldn't manage here.

askGSN: What do US Color Commentators Sound like?

Actually, I have to be honest, I am assuming this is an american feed. I assume this on the grounds of the NASCAR-esque accent of the commentators.

"Oh Ricky-Bobby! YEAH! Look what he done, that's swell!"

Still, this is a kabillion times more entertaining that Drew 'the monster' Remenda.

notes

- the oilers have a better chance scoring 5 on 5 than on the powerplay. i would really like to say the flames pk is just that good, but it's the oil sucking more than anything else.
- we really need moreau back
- torres said f u to moss and then knocked that pansy out for at least one game. at least torres is back in form.
- nice to see cogs and gagner second and fourth in rookie scoring. though it's a little concerning when they're also the leading scorers on the team.
- i apologize to the girl behind me who got soaked in beer. that cup was aimed for my head but most of it flew behind me. and boy, did i ever deserve it.
- the new jerseys really aren't that waterproof. beer definitely soaks through, i tested it.

i love messing with flames fans, cause most of the time you can just yell flames suck and for some reason they can't comeback with anything. for example:
a: "oilers!"
b: "dude you just lost 4-1"
a: "flames suck!"
b: "shit"

HNIC: Leafs Get Raked and the Battle of Alberta

It was a Saturday of night entertaining hockey. On the Hockey Night in Canada broadcast we had an original six matchup between the Leafs and the Blackhawks followed by the first regular season Battle of Alberta.

Leafs vs. Hawks:
Well this was an entertaining game to say the least. I think Calgary dodged a bullet letting Andrea Susan (Zyuzin) go. Poor guy, he's got to the be unluckiest russian alive in the post cold war era. Mats dazzled us with a beauty short handed goal while T-Kab and Kilger also notched some love in the goals category. The Leafs soon found themselves in a 3-1 situation against a rookie filled Hawks. Honestly, I thought the Leafs had this one in the bag. Then the penalties started. I don't think you have to be a rocket scientist to point out the Leaf's biggest issue, penalties. I don't think you have to be Denis Savard to take advantage of that either. Pairing the rookies with some savvy veterans the Hawks shelled Raycroft in the third and pretty much demoralized the Leafs. Toews and Kane will be exciting to watch as they progress. Lang also demonstrated some class passing off for an empty netter. The reffing was a bit anti-leaf but hey, what can you do?

Battle of Alberta:
Well, Calgary and Edmonton compete on every level about everything. I think andrew was actually at the dome trying to rally his boys to a win against the Flames. Uh, sorry andrew, I hope your hangover wasn't fatal ;-)

I'm hopeful for the Flames at this point. That was the most complete game they have played this season. Kipper is back off his 'inexplicable' (credit to simpson for that color commentating gem) three week warm up and stopping the puck. Flames defense didn't stink. Offensively I was sad none of the Flames notched a double goal night but that was my only complaint.

To be fair, the Oilers don't suck. It not for Rollie the score would have been 1 million - 1 but the Oilers cast is replete with youngsters. Ha, I just used replete in a post. (Congrats to SammyG on his first goal.) The Flames just applied a steady, relentless, and consistent pressure backed by a solid PP. I think, if this keeps up, the Flames will be effective against the powerhouses of the West.

FIGHTS! Warrener and Torres, despite Rhett's mad haymakers I think that was a draw but Stortini and Nolan? Oye! well done.

Canucks rookie forward forced to endure practice naked, without stick or skates.

The Canucks recalled rookie forward Mason Raymond from Manitoba in time for Wednesday's practice. The young Calgarian hit the ice looking somewhat shorter than his listed stats of 6'0", 165 lbs (I knew those numbers were s stretch, just look at those skinny little legs), but did manage to turn some heads in a drill meant to simulate an opposing forward moving out to the point and Canuck defensemen were supposed to put the puck through or around the naked rookie. Raymond put in a good showing leaving the ice with several visible bruises to his exposed flesh. Coach Vignault was impressed by Raymond's work ethic. "That's why we recalled him, we were impressed in the pre-season with his work ethic and willingness to put his body on the line. It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to put your body on the line to block shot after shot. And in practice too!"

"I don't think I've seen that one," said defenceman Aaron Miller, a 13-year veteran. "I really wanted to hit it." When fellow defenceman Kevin Bieksa rolled his eyes in Miller's direction - he added, "I mean him, I really wanted to hit him. Not that we aren't tough on rookies as it is, but have them naked and referred to as 'it' -- that's something you'd expect to see on a Mike Keenan-lead team, but not a classy organization like the Canucks."



Huh?!?! What do you mean that was just a chair? Man you guys are stretching for rookie put-downs and insults if that's the best you can do? Is this some sort of Swedish thing? Henrik? Daniel? Markus? Ikea?

This Week In Guerilla Tactics: Avs Best Offence is Flames Defence

I have borrowed this picture from TSN and the fine crew at Getty Images. Get used to, I will do this alot.

Ok. Let's talk tactics. The Flames get up 4-0 in the first period and look to be steaming to a stellar road trip result. Enter the Av's Ryan Smyth aka Captain Garbage Goal. Now, that being said a goal is a goal is a goal but Smyth makes even the most formidable defense look like trunk monkeys. As evidenced by last night. Ryan orchestrated Regs, Aucoin, and Erikson scoring on Kipper and that is no trivial feat. Period 1 was stellar. Period 2 was a collective train wreck. Dave has yet to comment but watch OpenIceHits for his thoughts.

What was good:

• Dion Phaneuf's wicked goal
• Iggy getting three points
• Kipper making some decent saves

What Stank:

• The exploitation of our Defense by Smyth
• Theodore getting between the pipes to steal the win from Budaj

So basically the Flames need to remember the killer instinct. When you're opponent is down, simply step in their neck until the 60 minutes is up. Constant, relentless, and unyielding pressure. Strangely, despite blowing a 4 goal lead I am optimistic about the season.

Finally.

What is that you say? The Calgary Flames have notched their first and second wins of the season?
ON THE ROAD!?

OT winner in Dallas courtesy of 'Hot Wheels' Lombardi? A 7-4 drubbing of the Preds in Nashville?

I don't get it. But I will take it. Sadly, the complete media blackout of either game here in calgary has lead to a lack of witty content.

Does the design on my pads make me look fat?

"hey guys can you fill my water bottle up i'm a little low. anyone wanna go for drinks after? boy does this blue team kinda suck lol"

Disagree with what I say? Then I shall climb into the crowd and pummel you with a loafer, just like that poor shmuck at MSG.

Perhaps its nothing more than the "throw enough shite at the wall and something will stick" effect, but one of the talking heads on TSN finally said something intelligent that I would agree with. Rest assured that the apocalypse is not nigh as it was not Glenn Healy. Healy is to intelligent hockey talk as I am to an open bar - a disaster waiting to happen. Plus the longer we stay the more likely complete nonsense and gibberish will emerge from our yaps. At least I have the excuse of alcohol. Although come to think of it if Heals was drinking before the cameras rolled it would explain a lot - plus tell me you couldn't see him hiding a flask under those lumpy suits he wears.

So no praise for the Heal-ster today. This time we celebrate the wit of Mike Milbury. And what did every one's second-favorite Bruins coach of all-time have to say? Well as the panel was singling out which coach should walk the plank first this season he was the only one with the balls to mention the Winnipeg Phoenix coach. You know, Wayne something-or-other. Wayne is probably the greatest ambassador the game could have and could be used in so many brilliant ways to grow and market the game. As he is still probably the only player that many of our chucklehead neighbors to the south could hope to identify. If Gary Midget-man is serious about continuing to grow and marketing the game south of the border (and granted that is a pretty big if) he needs to take advantage of big guns like 99. And besides as a coach -- well he continues to be a great ambassador. I think I'll have more success coaching my laundry to fold itself then he will having Phoenix winning a playoff series anytime soon. Although perhaps I've totally misread the situation and Wayner is just trying his best to continue the Winnipeg Jets playoff traditions?

So to borrow a tradition from Legally Blonde, snaps for Mike Milbury. Today he speaketh the truth.

the minnesota wild are the most boring team on the planet

+ the oil pretty much sucked it too + glenn healy is the biggest tool to ever be birthed + jf jacques is still the most useless hockey player + mustache keenan still hasn't won a game

GSN Guerilla of the Week: Jason Blake

Ok, I have bagged on the Leafs enough for the season. Today Jason Blake is the first Guerilla of the Week for the 07-08 season and the Leafs Organization and the Leaf Nation both get huge shout outs.

Why?

Well, unless you've been living in a cave the past few days, Mr. Blake announced that he has a rare form or Leukemia. If you think spelling that is hard, try lacing up your skates and chasing the puck for 60 minutes. I can't imagine it, he must drink gallons of whoop ass and dust it with some 'harden the f**k up'. Hats off to Blake for keeping in the game. Also, I'd like to point out the Leaf Nation and Leafs Organization deserve a huge thanks for supporting Jason.

Weekend Round Up.

I have recovered from the weekend and would like to chime in with some thoughts about the Flames performance.

Weird.

The first period was solid. The second period stank. The third period was solid. OT was . . . ugh, a victim of a stupid penalty and a bad bounce? Regs had that puck saved until Sedin pushed him and Kipper in the net. A goal is a goal. Victims of a bad bounce again though? The Flames are fast running out of excuses.

Lanks is kicking ass and taking names, hopefully the rest of the team starts too.

Oddly, I want to give the Oilers an honourable mention here. I'm no fan of the Oil, but hot damn boys, keep it up.

The Sens continue their tear in the east. The Analysts are loving the fact that Alfie has a goal in each game he's played. That would be less than 5 games guys, so keep your pants on. Nonetheless, the Sens are showing cold domination backstopped by Gerber. Will Emery be out of a job?

How about them Flyers?

Behold the offensive juggernaut that is Daymond Lankow. With his trusty side kick Dion they kept the Flames in the game last night. Not a thrilling game to watch, but it did have some redeeming moments. Goddard getting his fight on (not on hf.com yet). Lanks scoring some goals. But I hate to say it, Briere stole the fire (wow is Buffalo going to regret losing him).

I don't have anything to negative to say about the Flames aside from the usual. Play the whole 60 minutes, stay out of the box and don't sell out Kipper. It wasn't a brutal loss, but I would like to see things tightened up a wee bit. Of course, Iron Mike is on the case. Saturday will be better.

The Sens and Leafs.
Well, some GSN readers have taken exception to my Leaf Nation - Fascism comparison (as evidenced by my near involvement in a brawl last evening). I humbly apologize. However, perhaps you could all dial down the douchebaggery? A little bit . . just for me . . please? My despise for the Leafs aside they played last night and here's my take.

At the start of the season, teams facing the Sens have two choices:
1) Lie down and play dead
2) Have every weakness in your team exposed, exploited, and included in the highlights of the week on tsn.

This year, the Leafs have, arguably, their most complete roster ever. Solid goal tending. Decent offense. However, either they are lacking a strong defensive core or the Sens are just that good? We will know after the weekend.

7.5 Million Dollar Man

While walking home from work today it was snowing. Nothing could dim the fire in my heart. Hockey is BACK!

Four games for opening night, it must be Christmas. The Leafs started the season in typical fashion by losing. I am pleased with this development because saying you like the Leafs is like saying, "hey, I like fascism". Between Heatly's two goals and Redden fighting everyone on the ice the Sens won it in OT. Take that Leaf nation.

Detroit won against the Ducks in a shootout. Somehow the Dominator stoned all the Ducks in said shootout. Since all the GMs have picked Detroit to win the cup I guess a SO victory is a decent start.

The Habs won against the 'Canes. This is a good start for Guy's crew as they have a season of heavy expectations bearing down on them. Carolina. . . well it's the Hurricanes. I never know what to expect from those fools.

The avs and stars are playing. I can describe that game in one word: lame.

In other news, the Heater signed a kabillion dollar deal with the Sens. It's a good deal for Ottawa especially if they can lock up Spezza. Flames are rolling tomorrow. The GSN will be there.

gagner

i'm coming to eat you ROWLLLLL

Flames Pre Season Thoughts

After hearing about the pre season flames I felt some research needed to be done in person. Accompanied by my better half, we settled in to observe this years edition of the Calgary Flames take on the Vancouver Canucks. Things of note:

1. Flames Defense is a bit weak at this point. All the goals scored were a result of defensive idiocy including Dion letting some dude get a step on him.
2. Offensively the Flames dominated much of the game, 42 Shots on Goal, lots of time in the Canucks zone, Sanford was pelted with shots.
3. Fights! Iggy vs Kessler was a beat down for sure. But Peters got tuned but his canuck opponent (as shown above). But wait! Two fights in the pre season?
4. The Juice is loose and making moves left and right. Sadly, Christian got flattened a few times because he made one move too many.
5. Dion redeemed himself later in the game but not accepting the bait to get into a brawl. I respect that because it resulted in a Flames power play.
6. The Stripes were unreal during the game. I think they cloned Magoo.
7. The Nucks may have a solid backup goalie in Sanford.
   

All in all, a decent game. The Nucks look ready to bring the noise for this season and I think the Flames are, hopefully, just tuning the engine. Let us hope.

Getting Back into it . . .

Ok Team. The GSN is at pre-season training camp working on our reporting and technical skills. This season we are preparing to bring you the most biased, grammatically flawed, and entertaining hockey coverage we can. Contributers from around the globe. Also note, we can be reached at a new URL www.the-gsn.com
cause everyone knows typing guerrilla is kinda annoying.

Lindy Doesn't Like It Rough

The Playoffs bring out the best in people. The superstars shine, goalies make miraculous saves, the hits are bigger, the fans are crazier but I think most important of all the coaches turn it up a notch in terms of talking to the press. Lindy, pay attention to Brian over there. He's fixing you with the DFL (the Disappointed Father Look) because of your incessant outbursts in the media. Let's go up and down the list of wonderful crap Lindy has brought to the media's attention this series alone:

1) He's called out Ryan Miller. This is a stupid move, Ryan has busted his balls trying to keep the Sabres in the bloody playoffs, how about the fools out there skating around like ballerinas put the puck behind Emery. Miller is no Hasek.
2) He didn't like the hit on Tallinder. Tallinder needs to open a can of harden the fuck up. It's next to the whoopAss. He's still alive, he played in the OT, he can't be hurt that bad. Break out the MRIs, show me the pain!
3) Puck Management. Not to bring this up again but seriously Ruff, ENOUGH with the buzz words. I've never met a 5 year plan that I can't beat the shit out of. I think the Sens are showing the same level of grit, determination and willingness to get the job done.

Tonite is game 3 and the Sens are going to level the Sabres. I think Lindy has lost the dressing room. Miller was on TV responding to some of Lindy's comments and the look on his face matched his words, "Whatever". Whatever doesn't win games, indifference does not bring home the cup, and a lack of respect for your coach does nothing more than distract the players from what they need to do. Score more goals.

NHL in America

This is old news, but I need to rant.

A couple of weeks ago I was in Palm Springs, CA for the Coachella festival. I was missing my beloved Sharks. Don't worry, Game 2 will be on NBC at noon! I can catch a bit before heading out into 100 degree weather.

So I eagerly turn on NBC. I hear the now familiar voice of Bill Clement in the NBC studios as I relax into my mattress. His soothing voice fills the room for about... 3 seconds, before they cut it off and switch to..... an AIR FILTRATION INFOMERCIAL. What the deuce??! And for the next hour, they go on and on about this piece of crap air filter which supposedly sucks all the toxins out of the air. You wouldn't drink water this dirty, so why breathe air? Except that the damn thing is actually kills your family: Consumer Reports calls air purifier ‘unhealthy’.

The NHL is in such bad shape, that in California, close to where the powerhouse Ducks are making a run, they prefer to show an infomercial for something that will kill your family. Unreal. Maybe the NHL should get a new motto:

My NHL: At least it doesn't harm your family.

Later on in the weekend the Rangers/Buffalo double OT game was on, to my immense surprise. The announcers couldn't stop talking about how "Barbaro: A nation's horse" would be delayed because the game was going so long. He's a freaking race horse - lots of them die. Give me a break.

The NHL has already screwed over Canada earlier in the playoffs by not showing the Sens/Pens in primetime, but instead bowing to the wishes of NBC to play it in the afternoon. Always a sound business strategy, screw you most loyal customers.

Advice to the NHL: Focus on people that care about the game - Canadians.

Go Sens!

Puck Management

Folks, we're back. The GSN fortress of solitude was under assault the past few weeks. Needless to say, we have dealt with the pesky hostiles and return to you, our loyal fans to bring you the semi finals of the Stanley Cup Race.

So, it's Ottawa and Buffalo. Can't say this is a huge shock. In fact, the most shocking development to this point was some tsn fool saying emery outplayed brodeur. Um, that's a bold statement to say the least. Anyhow, game 1 of sens-sabres series went down last nite and what a game it was. Clearly, the sens won. In fact, I still call Sens in 6. The sens have insane depth, almost everyone on the team has scored in the post season, tight defence (did buffalo even get into the zone on the PP last nite?) and the secret weapon: Oleg Saprykin. It's a theme here at the GSN, we celebrate the men behind the men. The Saprykins, the Cowans, and the Langkows. The guys that hide in the shadows of superstars to strike like ninjas. Ninjas on skates. I digress.

The best part of the game was actually the post game press conference with Lindy Ruff. He talked about puck management. "We had puck management issues" according to Ruff. WTF is puck management? Have buzzwords invaded hockey without my approval here or what? We had bad puck synergy tonite and we couldn't envision a good strategy to move up the hourglass into new business markets. We're looking at various offshoring strategies to leverage our way into emerging markets. I miss the days of Daryl Sutter press conferences:

reporter: Why did you lose Daryl?
BigD: We didn't score more goals than they did.

Stick to the facts Mr. Ruff. Your boys need to score more goals. Plain and simple.

Vancouver is done . .

Jeff Cowan, the offensive juggernaut, is out.

That is all.

And we're back

After suffering some difficulties with our feed, we're back. Back to what though? This round of the playoffs has been lacking edge. I find myself struggling to have any enthusiasm for any of the matchups save the Sens vs. the Devils. In what has been a sensational series Ottawa has really shown the true depth of their team. NJ, not known to go quietly has acquitted themselves well. Strangely, MartyB has show an uncharacteristic weakness on the glove side, not sure if this is really something worth noting or not. Vancouver is pretty much on the way out of the playoffs. You need to protect 2-goal leads and stay the hell out of Luongo's face so he can stop the puck. The Rangers can suck it too. I like how the NHL disallowed that goal by the Sabres. Very reminiscent of Game 6 CGY vs TB where a similar goal was disallowed. I applaud the NHL's consistency in making dumb calls but let's be honest, unless there's some branch of quantum physics that I'm unaware of that puck was clearly across the goal line or it was occupying a strange interdimensional wormhole. I don't know about you people, but I'll take option 1.

Goalies in the Offseason.

Rangers Fail to wrangle Buffalo

Sean Avery: take a look at this picture. You will be seeing this all night, every night for the next 4 games of your infamous NHL career. That is if you survive that long before someone throws your agitating ass under a locomotive. That aside, the Sabres showed up and gently reminded the Rangers that they really had it easy in the first round. I'd love to comment more on this game but I have decided it's going to be a clean sweep of the Rangers and there is no need to watch.