Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Flames Burn the Preds

Fresh off the news of Kipper's long term deal the Flames, deep in their long home stretch, faced the Nashville Predators. To be fair, Nashville is having a rough season, the bulk of their core vanished in the off season and the near constant talks of moving the team must be giving Coach Barry a case of the 'trotz'. Regardless, the Preds have a lineup filled with cool sounding names like Bonk, Radulov, Fiddler and the ever feisty Tootoo so they should get some credit for providing the color commentators an endless stream of material.

To the game:
The star of this game was Kipper. How many times have we said that? Hundreds. But it's the first time this season that I've seen Kipper be, well Kipper (killed a minute long 5 on 3 don't you know). Was it a better showing from the Calgary D-corps? Maybe but the Preds racked up 40 SOG so it was a busy night for the Flames netminder. On a few occasions the Flames looked mighty scrambly but they would snap out of it and get back to what they do best this season, scoring goals.

It helps when your opposing netminder, Mason, has been leaking like a sieve of late but to Mason's credit he made some highlight reel saves. Nonetheless, Iggy converted twice, the Juice fanned in a dirty filthy five hole goal, Lombardi shoveled in a high speed backhand, and Nystrom tallied his first NHL goal in a 2 on 1with Moss late in the 3rd. Radulov tallied for the Preds on a PP ending their drought for road PP goals. This fact was highlighted with Trotz twitching a sigh of relief on the Pred bench. Tootoo was oddly absent in this game as the only thuggery was presented by Zidlicky with a late elbow on Mark Smith. As usual, it was a non-call (you can guess who was reffing), but hey, what's new?

So, an excellent performance but one to be expected when you play a team lurking in the NHL's basement. No offense to the Preds, they are in a tough spot (unlike some other teams Leafs and Canucks) and need to rebuild the team. A solid win for the Flames but tougher opponents lay ahead. I would expect the boys are getting ready to deliver.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

This Week in Guerrilla Tactics: Cap Management

Kipper is SIGNED

This isn't much of a scoop, you can read about it here, here, here, here, here, and here. Maybe there too.
Point being, Miikka Kiprusoff (damn that is hard to spell) is a Calgary Flame for the foreseeable future. I haven't parsed the details of the contract but it is front weighted and roughly in the area of 5.8 million per year which is excellent compared to Luongo's 6.75M/yr. There is a sense of excitement in Calgary as the core of the team has been solidified, Iggy, Regs and the Kipper. But the bad news is Phaneuf, the Juice and Lanks are heading into RFA/UFA territory at the end of this season. Phaneuf is especially concerning given the Edmonton Oiler's Offer sheet tactics of late. Not to mention the guy is playing well and deserves a huge raise. While signing the kipper at 5.8M is a wicked deal, I doubt Sutter got any sleep given what lies ahead. As a general note this would be a really good year for the Flames to try and win the cup while they have such a stellar roster. I'm just saying . . .

Sharp Eyed Shaun points to this blasphemous article: Not Everyone Happy with the Kipper Deal.
Like any article produced in the center of the universe (toronto) it's a bit short on fact, references, sources or any content worth digesting. Anyhow, I will hit the high points:
  1. Leland Irving is apparently not happy because he will have to 'beat out' Kipper for a spot on the team. Of course, no one in TO called Leyland, they just assume he's upset. By the way HE'S 19! He's the future! Do the bloody math, goalies are good from 28-35 . . . .
  2. If we can trust this POS article (which sources NOTHING) we can assume that Kipper's deal is front loaded leaving plenty of cap room towards the end of his deal.
  3. You know who else probably isn't happy about this deal? Brian Burke. Because he was most certainly screwed out of getting a goalie . . . oh wait, he doesn't give a shit.
  4. Jeremy Roenick was upset by this deal because it further highlights his complete lack of value to any NHL team.
* Updated to reflect my idiocy regarding the Cap, the cap will be 5.8M per year despite what Kipper's payout actually is. Thank you loyal GSN readers for enlightening me.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Potential Live Blog of the Flames-Avs Game!

Avs 3 Flames 2
OT - I hate you Ryan Smyth!
3.4:00 ugh, PK crapped out and we're tied.
3.9:00 Good to see moss back causing trouble, back to the PP
3.11:00 5 on 3! Yup, we have a Flames game, the big M disallows a goal with a real quick whistle . .
3.12:00 Get in the sin bin Clark, stop molesting Kipper. PP for the Flames.
3.14:00 Magoo is still a wank but the boys are on the PK . . .
3.16:00 I still need more Yeile! Happy Birthday Mikka!
3.18:00 Ouch, Tangs crashes awkwardly into the boards

Period 2 Summary:
Nothing Exciting other than we're winning.

2.2:00 The Flames are circling the net with authority . . . good things may happen.
2.4:00 PP was a bit weak on the part of the Flames. Smyth and Dion still beaking at each other
2.6:00 YeeHaw, Flames PP for 43 seconds! oh wait! 5 on 3, go get em boys
2.8:00 Lame assed Avalanche dive, way to go magoo.
2.10:00 Who is this team? the Flames look moderately stylish here.
2.12:00 Tangs and Iggy are getting some excellent chances . . . 22 SOG for the Flames, 10 for the Avs
2.14:30 Decent Flames PK, tho there was a sketchy moment when the avs turned Kipper inside out.
2.16:00 Flames Pemalty, awesomeness. Dion vs Smyth? (I'll take Phaneuf any day. This is not so good, the Flames get wacky on the PK
2.17:00 I need more Stephane Yelle!
2.18:30 HA, Lombardi, Hot Wheels scores again!

Period 1 Summary:
Despite the early goal at the hands of the Mr. Sakic the Flames clearly stuck their game plan and applied a steady consistent offensive pressure. Sakic was not allowed to roll freely after his goal and Lombardi is made some solid D plays to support the Kipper who looks sharper. The result of the solid effort was Tangs rolling into a sweet lead pass and blasting a shot past Theodore.

-- General Comment: is Dion ever not on the ice?
1.3:28 Decent Flames Pressure.
1.4:48 TANGS! I LOVE IT WHEN YOU SHOOT! Flames Goal, scored by #40 Alex Tanguay!
1.6:00 Is George Bush commentating? 'Stay the Course Calgary, Stay the Course!'
1.7:00 Decent Flames offensive pressure. I bet Goddard gets the first goal.
1.9:10 Aucoin hits the post, if the color commentators don't STFU I think I will scream.
1.10:00 Ok, this is a strangely unemotional game, not seeing much in the way of anything here. Smyth drilled Aucoin but that's it. Clearly the flames are thinking about what bar they are going to tonite.
1.12:30 Stupid Joe Sakic scores. Man, Flames D, please wake up.
1.14:40 Flurry of activity in front of theodore, Aucoin and the Juice looking good. Kipper makes a nice save on some Av fool.
1.16:07 Alright, I'm in and settled. Not much happening at this point. Theo is in net for the Avs so that means we should be scoring plenty.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Don't it just break your heart?

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Flames Fizzle at Home Against the Sharks.

I am using this picture to distract you, loyal GSN readers, from the stench of last evenings Flames game. The ghosts of 06-07 returned.

Granted I didn't tune in until period two as I was at spin class (all GSN writers are required to pass a grueling conditioning test) but let's review the Sharks Flames stankfest.

The NHL, executing it's new policy of reviewing every Goddard goal, disallowed the first Flames tally of the evening. It ain't a Flames game unless one Flames goal is disallowed. To be honest, I've seen dirtier goals scored by the Leafs be allowed but whatever. Secondly, Tangs makes an absolutely BRILLIANT play that results in a short handed goal. At least he admitted it. Kipper got pulled and
McElhinney convincingly proved he's not ready for primetime. . . yet. Lanks did snap Nabby's shutout. That was nice. Lanks is going to have a great year. A morale boost was JR getting creamed by Regs. As per usual, he upped his douche bag quotient with this memorable sound bite:

"When something like that where a player is injured and you come off the ice and people boo, that's bush league to me," Roenick said. "It's pretty disrespectful to boo them and I just wanted to acknowledge to them that I'm still here and I'm still playing."

Hey Roenick, I have this to say to you: fuck off and die. You lack any relevance in the NHL so do us a favour and retire. You call that playing? I bet you don't get your 500th goal before next season you wanker. I will boo for 3 people when they get up: Roenick, Ribeiro, and Tootoo.

Dave's thoughts take the cake with "Holy Mackinaw". I don't know what a mackinaw is but I think that's a memorable quote. WI has, as ever, chimed in with some solid analysis on Kipper, Dion, and Tangs. As well, bonus points are awarded for spelling guarantee correctly. Something we couldn't manage here.

Monday, October 22, 2007

askGSN: What do US Color Commentators Sound like?

Actually, I have to be honest, I am assuming this is an american feed. I assume this on the grounds of the NASCAR-esque accent of the commentators.

"Oh Ricky-Bobby! YEAH! Look what he done, that's swell!"

Still, this is a kabillion times more entertaining that Drew 'the monster' Remenda.

Sunday, October 21, 2007


- the oilers have a better chance scoring 5 on 5 than on the powerplay. i would really like to say the flames pk is just that good, but it's the oil sucking more than anything else.
- we really need moreau back
- torres said f u to moss and then knocked that pansy out for at least one game. at least torres is back in form.
- nice to see cogs and gagner second and fourth in rookie scoring. though it's a little concerning when they're also the leading scorers on the team.
- i apologize to the girl behind me who got soaked in beer. that cup was aimed for my head but most of it flew behind me. and boy, did i ever deserve it.
- the new jerseys really aren't that waterproof. beer definitely soaks through, i tested it.

i love messing with flames fans, cause most of the time you can just yell flames suck and for some reason they can't comeback with anything. for example:
a: "oilers!"
b: "dude you just lost 4-1"
a: "flames suck!"
b: "shit"

HNIC: Leafs Get Raked and the Battle of Alberta

It was a Saturday of night entertaining hockey. On the Hockey Night in Canada broadcast we had an original six matchup between the Leafs and the Blackhawks followed by the first regular season Battle of Alberta.

Leafs vs. Hawks:
Well this was an entertaining game to say the least. I think Calgary dodged a bullet letting Andrea Susan (Zyuzin) go. Poor guy, he's got to the be unluckiest russian alive in the post cold war era. Mats dazzled us with a beauty short handed goal while T-Kab and Kilger also notched some love in the goals category. The Leafs soon found themselves in a 3-1 situation against a rookie filled Hawks. Honestly, I thought the Leafs had this one in the bag. Then the penalties started. I don't think you have to be a rocket scientist to point out the Leaf's biggest issue, penalties. I don't think you have to be Denis Savard to take advantage of that either. Pairing the rookies with some savvy veterans the Hawks shelled Raycroft in the third and pretty much demoralized the Leafs. Toews and Kane will be exciting to watch as they progress. Lang also demonstrated some class passing off for an empty netter. The reffing was a bit anti-leaf but hey, what can you do?

Battle of Alberta:
Well, Calgary and Edmonton compete on every level about everything. I think andrew was actually at the dome trying to rally his boys to a win against the Flames. Uh, sorry andrew, I hope your hangover wasn't fatal ;-)

I'm hopeful for the Flames at this point. That was the most complete game they have played this season. Kipper is back off his 'inexplicable' (credit to simpson for that color commentating gem) three week warm up and stopping the puck. Flames defense didn't stink. Offensively I was sad none of the Flames notched a double goal night but that was my only complaint.

To be fair, the Oilers don't suck. It not for Rollie the score would have been 1 million - 1 but the Oilers cast is replete with youngsters. Ha, I just used replete in a post. (Congrats to SammyG on his first goal.) The Flames just applied a steady, relentless, and consistent pressure backed by a solid PP. I think, if this keeps up, the Flames will be effective against the powerhouses of the West.

FIGHTS! Warrener and Torres, despite Rhett's mad haymakers I think that was a draw but Stortini and Nolan? Oye! well done.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Canucks rookie forward forced to endure practice naked, without stick or skates.

The Canucks recalled rookie forward Mason Raymond from Manitoba in time for Wednesday's practice. The young Calgarian hit the ice looking somewhat shorter than his listed stats of 6'0", 165 lbs (I knew those numbers were s stretch, just look at those skinny little legs), but did manage to turn some heads in a drill meant to simulate an opposing forward moving out to the point and Canuck defensemen were supposed to put the puck through or around the naked rookie. Raymond put in a good showing leaving the ice with several visible bruises to his exposed flesh. Coach Vignault was impressed by Raymond's work ethic. "That's why we recalled him, we were impressed in the pre-season with his work ethic and willingness to put his body on the line. It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to put your body on the line to block shot after shot. And in practice too!"

"I don't think I've seen that one," said defenceman Aaron Miller, a 13-year veteran. "I really wanted to hit it." When fellow defenceman Kevin Bieksa rolled his eyes in Miller's direction - he added, "I mean him, I really wanted to hit him. Not that we aren't tough on rookies as it is, but have them naked and referred to as 'it' -- that's something you'd expect to see on a Mike Keenan-lead team, but not a classy organization like the Canucks."

Huh?!?! What do you mean that was just a chair? Man you guys are stretching for rookie put-downs and insults if that's the best you can do? Is this some sort of Swedish thing? Henrik? Daniel? Markus? Ikea?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

This Week In Guerilla Tactics: Avs Best Offence is Flames Defence

I have borrowed this picture from TSN and the fine crew at Getty Images. Get used to, I will do this alot.

Ok. Let's talk tactics. The Flames get up 4-0 in the first period and look to be steaming to a stellar road trip result. Enter the Av's Ryan Smyth aka Captain Garbage Goal. Now, that being said a goal is a goal is a goal but Smyth makes even the most formidable defense look like trunk monkeys. As evidenced by last night. Ryan orchestrated Regs, Aucoin, and Erikson scoring on Kipper and that is no trivial feat. Period 1 was stellar. Period 2 was a collective train wreck. Dave has yet to comment but watch OpenIceHits for his thoughts.

What was good:
  • Dion Phaneuf's wicked goal
  • Iggy getting three points
  • Kipper making some decent saves
What Stank:
  • The exploitation of our Defense by Smyth
  • Theodore getting between the pipes to steal the win from Budaj
So basically the Flames need to remember the killer instinct. When you're opponent is down, simply step in their neck until the 60 minutes is up. Constant, relentless, and unyielding pressure. Strangely, despite blowing a 4 goal lead I am optimistic about the season.

Monday, October 15, 2007


What is that you say? The Calgary Flames have notched their first and second wins of the season?

OT winner in Dallas courtesy of 'Hot Wheels' Lombardi? A 7-4 drubbing of the Preds in Nashville?

I don't get it. But I will take it. Sadly, the complete media blackout of either game here in calgary has lead to a lack of witty content.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Does the design on my pads make me look fat?

"hey guys can you fill my water bottle up i'm a little low. anyone wanna go for drinks after? boy does this blue team kinda suck lol"

Disagree with what I say? Then I shall climb into the crowd and pummel you with a loafer, just like that poor shmuck at MSG.

Perhaps its nothing more than the "throw enough shite at the wall and something will stick" effect, but one of the talking heads on TSN finally said something intelligent that I would agree with. Rest assured that the apocalypse is not nigh as it was not Glenn Healy. Healy is to intelligent hockey talk as I am to an open bar - a disaster waiting to happen. Plus the longer we stay the more likely complete nonsense and gibberish will emerge from our yaps. At least I have the excuse of alcohol. Although come to think of it if Heals was drinking before the cameras rolled it would explain a lot - plus tell me you couldn't see him hiding a flask under those lumpy suits he wears.

So no praise for the Heal-ster today. This time we celebrate the wit of Mike Milbury. And what did every one's second-favorite Bruins coach of all-time have to say? Well as the panel was singling out which coach should walk the plank first this season he was the only one with the balls to mention the Winnipeg Phoenix coach. You know, Wayne something-or-other. Wayne is probably the greatest ambassador the game could have and could be used in so many brilliant ways to grow and market the game. As he is still probably the only player that many of our chucklehead neighbors to the south could hope to identify. If Gary Midget-man is serious about continuing to grow and marketing the game south of the border (and granted that is a pretty big if) he needs to take advantage of big guns like 99. And besides as a coach -- well he continues to be a great ambassador. I think I'll have more success coaching my laundry to fold itself then he will having Phoenix winning a playoff series anytime soon. Although perhaps I've totally misread the situation and Wayner is just trying his best to continue the Winnipeg Jets playoff traditions?

So to borrow a tradition from Legally Blonde, snaps for Mike Milbury. Today he speaketh the truth.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

the minnesota wild are the most boring team on the planet

+ the oil pretty much sucked it too + glenn healy is the biggest tool to ever be birthed + jf jacques is still the most useless hockey player + mustache keenan still hasn't won a game

GSN Guerilla of the Week: Jason Blake

Ok, I have bagged on the Leafs enough for the season. Today Jason Blake is the first Guerilla of the Week for the 07-08 season and the Leafs Organization and the Leaf Nation both get huge shout outs.


Well, unless you've been living in a cave the past few days, Mr. Blake announced that he has a rare form or Leukemia. If you think spelling that is hard, try lacing up your skates and chasing the puck for 60 minutes. I can't imagine it, he must drink gallons of whoop ass and dust it with some 'harden the f**k up'. Hats off to Blake for keeping in the game. Also, I'd like to point out the Leaf Nation and Leafs Organization deserve a huge thanks for supporting Jason.

Weekend Round Up.

I have recovered from the weekend and would like to chime in with some thoughts about the Flames performance.


The first period was solid. The second period stank. The third period was solid. OT was . . . ugh, a victim of a stupid penalty and a bad bounce? Regs had that puck saved until Sedin pushed him and Kipper in the net. A goal is a goal. Victims of a bad bounce again though? The Flames are fast running out of excuses.

Lanks is kicking ass and taking names, hopefully the rest of the team starts too.

Oddly, I want to give the Oilers an honourable mention here. I'm no fan of the Oil, but hot damn boys, keep it up.

The Sens continue their tear in the east. The Analysts are loving the fact that Alfie has a goal in each game he's played. That would be less than 5 games guys, so keep your pants on. Nonetheless, the Sens are showing cold domination backstopped by Gerber. Will Emery be out of a job?

Friday, October 5, 2007

How about them Flyers?

Behold the offensive juggernaut that is Daymond Lankow. With his trusty side kick Dion they kept the Flames in the game last night. Not a thrilling game to watch, but it did have some redeeming moments. Goddard getting his fight on (not on yet). Lanks scoring some goals. But I hate to say it, Briere stole the fire (wow is Buffalo going to regret losing him).

I don't have anything to negative to say about the Flames aside from the usual. Play the whole 60 minutes, stay out of the box and don't sell out Kipper. It wasn't a brutal loss, but I would like to see things tightened up a wee bit. Of course, Iron Mike is on the case. Saturday will be better.

The Sens and Leafs.
Well, some GSN readers have taken exception to my Leaf Nation - Fascism comparison (as evidenced by my near involvement in a brawl last evening). I humbly apologize. However, perhaps you could all dial down the douchebaggery? A little bit . . just for me . . please? My despise for the Leafs aside they played last night and here's my take.

At the start of the season, teams facing the Sens have two choices:
1) Lie down and play dead
2) Have every weakness in your team exposed, exploited, and included in the highlights of the week on tsn.

This year, the Leafs have, arguably, their most complete roster ever. Solid goal tending. Decent offense. However, either they are lacking a strong defensive core or the Sens are just that good? We will know after the weekend.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

7.5 Million Dollar Man

While walking home from work today it was snowing. Nothing could dim the fire in my heart. Hockey is BACK!

Four games for opening night, it must be Christmas. The Leafs started the season in typical fashion by losing. I am pleased with this development because saying you like the Leafs is like saying, "hey, I like fascism". Between Heatly's two goals and Redden fighting everyone on the ice the Sens won it in OT. Take that Leaf nation.

Detroit won against the Ducks in a shootout. Somehow the Dominator stoned all the Ducks in said shootout. Since all the GMs have picked Detroit to win the cup I guess a SO victory is a decent start.

The Habs won against the 'Canes. This is a good start for Guy's crew as they have a season of heavy expectations bearing down on them. Carolina. . . well it's the Hurricanes. I never know what to expect from those fools.

The avs and stars are playing. I can describe that game in one word: lame.

In other news, the Heater signed a kabillion dollar deal with the Sens. It's a good deal for Ottawa especially if they can lock up Spezza. Flames are rolling tomorrow. The GSN will be there.


i'm coming to eat you ROWLLLLL

Monday, October 1, 2007

Flames Pre Season Thoughts

After hearing about the pre season flames I felt some research needed to be done in person. Accompanied by my better half, we settled in to observe this years edition of the Calgary Flames take on the Vancouver Canucks. Things of note:

  1. Flames Defense is a bit weak at this point. All the goals scored were a result of defensive idiocy including Dion letting some dude get a step on him.
  2. Offensively the Flames dominated much of the game, 42 Shots on Goal, lots of time in the Canucks zone, Sanford was pelted with shots.
  3. Fights! Iggy vs Kessler was a beat down for sure. But Peters got tuned but his canuck opponent (as shown above). But wait! Two fights in the pre season?
  4. The Juice is loose and making moves left and right. Sadly, Christian got flattened a few times because he made one move too many.
  5. Dion redeemed himself later in the game but not accepting the bait to get into a brawl. I respect that because it resulted in a Flames power play.
  6. The Stripes were unreal during the game. I think they cloned Magoo.
  7. The Nucks may have a solid backup goalie in Sanford.
All in all, a decent game. The Nucks look ready to bring the noise for this season and I think the Flames are, hopefully, just tuning the engine. Let us hope.