Behold the worlds fastest toilet. Or, perhaps the world's fastest shitter. This fine machine is piloted by none other than Mike Keenan as he leads his charges to slaughter this evening in big D.
The win against the Coyotes notwithstanding, I feel personally responsible for shaming them into winning, the Dallas Stars are really fucking hot right now. How hot you might ask? Well, let's say you've been living in a monastery for a year away from women and upon your return to civilization Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman and Lindsay Lohan are having a naked pillow fight in your room when you walk in. That might be hot. Suffice to say, the Stars should be suffocating under their success of late but annoyingly they seem to be basking in it. Those bastards.
Ok, so what will happen tonite: Turco will be an inhuman puck stopping machine. If there was a performance enhancing drug for goal tenders, Turco is partaking. To say nothing of the Dallas offense. I remember Ribero for his electric fish impersonation, of late he is best remembered as a goal scoring machine sent back in time to score goals and kill Sarah Connor. Also worthy of mention is Hagman. Having scored alot lately too. I don't think the Stars will run a train on Calgary but I sense the number 4 and I figure that is in the goals scored by Dallas category.
The Flames defense received a boost with the exclusion of Eriksson this evening. Already we're 12% more likely to be effective in the defensive end of the rink. Good old Rhett will get caught flat footed at least twice. The Flames will make a game of it with markers from Iggy, Dion and Yelle but come up short in the end against a team that gets my goat but is quite strong down the final stretch.
Full throttle of the bottle tonite kids.