Wednesday, April 18, 2007

A Play-By-Play of the Flamers Game by Me

8:00pm: Some dude blows his horn throughout the Canadian anthem. Yeah, you're cool.

8:05pm: Game starts. I want to kill Drew Remenda already.

8:15pm: Calgary looks like they're actually gonna try and win this game.

8:40ishpm: First period done, nothing happened.

9:15pm: Lombardi scores. Meh whatever.

9:16pm: Looks like the Saddledome circus show is in full effect tonight. Be sure to colour coordinate your fans, include crowd participation, and synchronize some highly irritating horn blowing! Oh, and don't forget to use your thundersticks.

This is the most appalling thing I've seen in a long time. I want to vomit.

9:20pm: Draper scores. Yay.

940ishpm: Second period done.

10:05pm: Phaneuf gets drilled, throws his head into the boards, wakes up dazed, allows Draper to score, and then stumbles around while Detroit celebrates. It's like a dream come true.

10:06pm: Phaneuf goes to the dressing room. Horror!

10:10pm: Giordano the Goblin scores on the billionth powerplay in a row. But he took Phanuef's spot on the blueline there. The irony!

10:11pm: I walk around my apartment trying to figure out where a high-pitched noise is coming from. Wait, that's from my TV and the fire alarm at the Saddledome is going off. Perhaps it's because the building almost catches fire everytime there's a goal.

10:15pm: Phaneuf comes back to the bench. I am filled with disappointment.

10:17pm: The senile old man used as a goal judge decides to turn the light on and start the goal horn when the puck is 4 FEET FROM THE DETRIOT GOAL LINE. Good eye there, captain.

10:20pm: Iggy scores.

10:40ishpm: Calgary wins. They play Ring of Fire. Oh how clever.

10:41pm: That was gay.

11:00pm: The jocks outside my building yell and honk their horns.

Some of that stuff maybe out of order, but whatever.


Dave said...

I'll agree, it was a gay night.

Everybody happy, good hockey, and the only people upset are the ones who use "gay" as an insult. ;)

sr said...

Even more clever is a Play-by-Play analysis of someone who is not even fan...I guess you needed something to do since your team didn't make the Playoffs. :(

Steal Thunder said...

I'm waiting for somebody to do a play-by-play for the Oilers...

2:04pm Ales Hemsky seems to be hitting the ball anywhere but at the pin...

3:17pm Raffi Torres just rammed into the beer girl and deflected her cart off the path...

4:38pm Joffrey Lupul appeared to have noticed a bystander with a video camera and dropped his clubs and proceeded to pose for the next 26 minutes...