notes

- the oilers have a better chance scoring 5 on 5 than on the powerplay. i would really like to say the flames pk is just that good, but it's the oil sucking more than anything else.
- we really need moreau back
- torres said f u to moss and then knocked that pansy out for at least one game. at least torres is back in form.
- nice to see cogs and gagner second and fourth in rookie scoring. though it's a little concerning when they're also the leading scorers on the team.
- i apologize to the girl behind me who got soaked in beer. that cup was aimed for my head but most of it flew behind me. and boy, did i ever deserve it.
- the new jerseys really aren't that waterproof. beer definitely soaks through, i tested it.

i love messing with flames fans, cause most of the time you can just yell flames suck and for some reason they can't comeback with anything. for example:
a: "oilers!"
b: "dude you just lost 4-1"
a: "flames suck!"
b: "shit"

HNIC: Leafs Get Raked and the Battle of Alberta

It was a Saturday of night entertaining hockey. On the Hockey Night in Canada broadcast we had an original six matchup between the Leafs and the Blackhawks followed by the first regular season Battle of Alberta.

Leafs vs. Hawks:
Well this was an entertaining game to say the least. I think Calgary dodged a bullet letting Andrea Susan (Zyuzin) go. Poor guy, he's got to the be unluckiest russian alive in the post cold war era. Mats dazzled us with a beauty short handed goal while T-Kab and Kilger also notched some love in the goals category. The Leafs soon found themselves in a 3-1 situation against a rookie filled Hawks. Honestly, I thought the Leafs had this one in the bag. Then the penalties started. I don't think you have to be a rocket scientist to point out the Leaf's biggest issue, penalties. I don't think you have to be Denis Savard to take advantage of that either. Pairing the rookies with some savvy veterans the Hawks shelled Raycroft in the third and pretty much demoralized the Leafs. Toews and Kane will be exciting to watch as they progress. Lang also demonstrated some class passing off for an empty netter. The reffing was a bit anti-leaf but hey, what can you do?

Battle of Alberta:
Well, Calgary and Edmonton compete on every level about everything. I think andrew was actually at the dome trying to rally his boys to a win against the Flames. Uh, sorry andrew, I hope your hangover wasn't fatal ;-)

I'm hopeful for the Flames at this point. That was the most complete game they have played this season. Kipper is back off his 'inexplicable' (credit to simpson for that color commentating gem) three week warm up and stopping the puck. Flames defense didn't stink. Offensively I was sad none of the Flames notched a double goal night but that was my only complaint.

To be fair, the Oilers don't suck. It not for Rollie the score would have been 1 million - 1 but the Oilers cast is replete with youngsters. Ha, I just used replete in a post. (Congrats to SammyG on his first goal.) The Flames just applied a steady, relentless, and consistent pressure backed by a solid PP. I think, if this keeps up, the Flames will be effective against the powerhouses of the West.

FIGHTS! Warrener and Torres, despite Rhett's mad haymakers I think that was a draw but Stortini and Nolan? Oye! well done.

Canucks rookie forward forced to endure practice naked, without stick or skates.

The Canucks recalled rookie forward Mason Raymond from Manitoba in time for Wednesday's practice. The young Calgarian hit the ice looking somewhat shorter than his listed stats of 6'0", 165 lbs (I knew those numbers were s stretch, just look at those skinny little legs), but did manage to turn some heads in a drill meant to simulate an opposing forward moving out to the point and Canuck defensemen were supposed to put the puck through or around the naked rookie. Raymond put in a good showing leaving the ice with several visible bruises to his exposed flesh. Coach Vignault was impressed by Raymond's work ethic. "That's why we recalled him, we were impressed in the pre-season with his work ethic and willingness to put his body on the line. It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to put your body on the line to block shot after shot. And in practice too!"

"I don't think I've seen that one," said defenceman Aaron Miller, a 13-year veteran. "I really wanted to hit it." When fellow defenceman Kevin Bieksa rolled his eyes in Miller's direction - he added, "I mean him, I really wanted to hit him. Not that we aren't tough on rookies as it is, but have them naked and referred to as 'it' -- that's something you'd expect to see on a Mike Keenan-lead team, but not a classy organization like the Canucks."



Huh?!?! What do you mean that was just a chair? Man you guys are stretching for rookie put-downs and insults if that's the best you can do? Is this some sort of Swedish thing? Henrik? Daniel? Markus? Ikea?

This Week In Guerilla Tactics: Avs Best Offence is Flames Defence

I have borrowed this picture from TSN and the fine crew at Getty Images. Get used to, I will do this alot.

Ok. Let's talk tactics. The Flames get up 4-0 in the first period and look to be steaming to a stellar road trip result. Enter the Av's Ryan Smyth aka Captain Garbage Goal. Now, that being said a goal is a goal is a goal but Smyth makes even the most formidable defense look like trunk monkeys. As evidenced by last night. Ryan orchestrated Regs, Aucoin, and Erikson scoring on Kipper and that is no trivial feat. Period 1 was stellar. Period 2 was a collective train wreck. Dave has yet to comment but watch OpenIceHits for his thoughts.

What was good:

• Dion Phaneuf's wicked goal
• Iggy getting three points
• Kipper making some decent saves

What Stank:

• The exploitation of our Defense by Smyth
• Theodore getting between the pipes to steal the win from Budaj

So basically the Flames need to remember the killer instinct. When you're opponent is down, simply step in their neck until the 60 minutes is up. Constant, relentless, and unyielding pressure. Strangely, despite blowing a 4 goal lead I am optimistic about the season.

Finally.

What is that you say? The Calgary Flames have notched their first and second wins of the season?
ON THE ROAD!?

OT winner in Dallas courtesy of 'Hot Wheels' Lombardi? A 7-4 drubbing of the Preds in Nashville?

I don't get it. But I will take it. Sadly, the complete media blackout of either game here in calgary has lead to a lack of witty content.

Does the design on my pads make me look fat?

"hey guys can you fill my water bottle up i'm a little low. anyone wanna go for drinks after? boy does this blue team kinda suck lol"

Disagree with what I say? Then I shall climb into the crowd and pummel you with a loafer, just like that poor shmuck at MSG.

Perhaps its nothing more than the "throw enough shite at the wall and something will stick" effect, but one of the talking heads on TSN finally said something intelligent that I would agree with. Rest assured that the apocalypse is not nigh as it was not Glenn Healy. Healy is to intelligent hockey talk as I am to an open bar - a disaster waiting to happen. Plus the longer we stay the more likely complete nonsense and gibberish will emerge from our yaps. At least I have the excuse of alcohol. Although come to think of it if Heals was drinking before the cameras rolled it would explain a lot - plus tell me you couldn't see him hiding a flask under those lumpy suits he wears.

So no praise for the Heal-ster today. This time we celebrate the wit of Mike Milbury. And what did every one's second-favorite Bruins coach of all-time have to say? Well as the panel was singling out which coach should walk the plank first this season he was the only one with the balls to mention the Winnipeg Phoenix coach. You know, Wayne something-or-other. Wayne is probably the greatest ambassador the game could have and could be used in so many brilliant ways to grow and market the game. As he is still probably the only player that many of our chucklehead neighbors to the south could hope to identify. If Gary Midget-man is serious about continuing to grow and marketing the game south of the border (and granted that is a pretty big if) he needs to take advantage of big guns like 99. And besides as a coach -- well he continues to be a great ambassador. I think I'll have more success coaching my laundry to fold itself then he will having Phoenix winning a playoff series anytime soon. Although perhaps I've totally misread the situation and Wayner is just trying his best to continue the Winnipeg Jets playoff traditions?

So to borrow a tradition from Legally Blonde, snaps for Mike Milbury. Today he speaketh the truth.

the minnesota wild are the most boring team on the planet

+ the oil pretty much sucked it too + glenn healy is the biggest tool to ever be birthed + jf jacques is still the most useless hockey player + mustache keenan still hasn't won a game

GSN Guerilla of the Week: Jason Blake

Ok, I have bagged on the Leafs enough for the season. Today Jason Blake is the first Guerilla of the Week for the 07-08 season and the Leafs Organization and the Leaf Nation both get huge shout outs.

Why?

Well, unless you've been living in a cave the past few days, Mr. Blake announced that he has a rare form or Leukemia. If you think spelling that is hard, try lacing up your skates and chasing the puck for 60 minutes. I can't imagine it, he must drink gallons of whoop ass and dust it with some 'harden the f**k up'. Hats off to Blake for keeping in the game. Also, I'd like to point out the Leaf Nation and Leafs Organization deserve a huge thanks for supporting Jason.

Weekend Round Up.

I have recovered from the weekend and would like to chime in with some thoughts about the Flames performance.

Weird.

The first period was solid. The second period stank. The third period was solid. OT was . . . ugh, a victim of a stupid penalty and a bad bounce? Regs had that puck saved until Sedin pushed him and Kipper in the net. A goal is a goal. Victims of a bad bounce again though? The Flames are fast running out of excuses.

Lanks is kicking ass and taking names, hopefully the rest of the team starts too.

Oddly, I want to give the Oilers an honourable mention here. I'm no fan of the Oil, but hot damn boys, keep it up.

The Sens continue their tear in the east. The Analysts are loving the fact that Alfie has a goal in each game he's played. That would be less than 5 games guys, so keep your pants on. Nonetheless, the Sens are showing cold domination backstopped by Gerber. Will Emery be out of a job?

How about them Flyers?

Behold the offensive juggernaut that is Daymond Lankow. With his trusty side kick Dion they kept the Flames in the game last night. Not a thrilling game to watch, but it did have some redeeming moments. Goddard getting his fight on (not on hf.com yet). Lanks scoring some goals. But I hate to say it, Briere stole the fire (wow is Buffalo going to regret losing him).

I don't have anything to negative to say about the Flames aside from the usual. Play the whole 60 minutes, stay out of the box and don't sell out Kipper. It wasn't a brutal loss, but I would like to see things tightened up a wee bit. Of course, Iron Mike is on the case. Saturday will be better.

The Sens and Leafs.
Well, some GSN readers have taken exception to my Leaf Nation - Fascism comparison (as evidenced by my near involvement in a brawl last evening). I humbly apologize. However, perhaps you could all dial down the douchebaggery? A little bit . . just for me . . please? My despise for the Leafs aside they played last night and here's my take.

At the start of the season, teams facing the Sens have two choices:
1) Lie down and play dead
2) Have every weakness in your team exposed, exploited, and included in the highlights of the week on tsn.

This year, the Leafs have, arguably, their most complete roster ever. Solid goal tending. Decent offense. However, either they are lacking a strong defensive core or the Sens are just that good? We will know after the weekend.

7.5 Million Dollar Man

While walking home from work today it was snowing. Nothing could dim the fire in my heart. Hockey is BACK!

Four games for opening night, it must be Christmas. The Leafs started the season in typical fashion by losing. I am pleased with this development because saying you like the Leafs is like saying, "hey, I like fascism". Between Heatly's two goals and Redden fighting everyone on the ice the Sens won it in OT. Take that Leaf nation.

Detroit won against the Ducks in a shootout. Somehow the Dominator stoned all the Ducks in said shootout. Since all the GMs have picked Detroit to win the cup I guess a SO victory is a decent start.

The Habs won against the 'Canes. This is a good start for Guy's crew as they have a season of heavy expectations bearing down on them. Carolina. . . well it's the Hurricanes. I never know what to expect from those fools.

The avs and stars are playing. I can describe that game in one word: lame.

In other news, the Heater signed a kabillion dollar deal with the Sens. It's a good deal for Ottawa especially if they can lock up Spezza. Flames are rolling tomorrow. The GSN will be there.

gagner

i'm coming to eat you ROWLLLLL

Flames Pre Season Thoughts

After hearing about the pre season flames I felt some research needed to be done in person. Accompanied by my better half, we settled in to observe this years edition of the Calgary Flames take on the Vancouver Canucks. Things of note:

1. Flames Defense is a bit weak at this point. All the goals scored were a result of defensive idiocy including Dion letting some dude get a step on him.
2. Offensively the Flames dominated much of the game, 42 Shots on Goal, lots of time in the Canucks zone, Sanford was pelted with shots.
3. Fights! Iggy vs Kessler was a beat down for sure. But Peters got tuned but his canuck opponent (as shown above). But wait! Two fights in the pre season?
4. The Juice is loose and making moves left and right. Sadly, Christian got flattened a few times because he made one move too many.
5. Dion redeemed himself later in the game but not accepting the bait to get into a brawl. I respect that because it resulted in a Flames power play.
6. The Stripes were unreal during the game. I think they cloned Magoo.
7. The Nucks may have a solid backup goalie in Sanford.
   

All in all, a decent game. The Nucks look ready to bring the noise for this season and I think the Flames are, hopefully, just tuning the engine. Let us hope.

Getting Back into it . . .

Ok Team. The GSN is at pre-season training camp working on our reporting and technical skills. This season we are preparing to bring you the most biased, grammatically flawed, and entertaining hockey coverage we can. Contributers from around the globe. Also note, we can be reached at a new URL www.the-gsn.com
cause everyone knows typing guerrilla is kinda annoying.

Lindy Doesn't Like It Rough

The Playoffs bring out the best in people. The superstars shine, goalies make miraculous saves, the hits are bigger, the fans are crazier but I think most important of all the coaches turn it up a notch in terms of talking to the press. Lindy, pay attention to Brian over there. He's fixing you with the DFL (the Disappointed Father Look) because of your incessant outbursts in the media. Let's go up and down the list of wonderful crap Lindy has brought to the media's attention this series alone:

1) He's called out Ryan Miller. This is a stupid move, Ryan has busted his balls trying to keep the Sabres in the bloody playoffs, how about the fools out there skating around like ballerinas put the puck behind Emery. Miller is no Hasek.
2) He didn't like the hit on Tallinder. Tallinder needs to open a can of harden the fuck up. It's next to the whoopAss. He's still alive, he played in the OT, he can't be hurt that bad. Break out the MRIs, show me the pain!
3) Puck Management. Not to bring this up again but seriously Ruff, ENOUGH with the buzz words. I've never met a 5 year plan that I can't beat the shit out of. I think the Sens are showing the same level of grit, determination and willingness to get the job done.

Tonite is game 3 and the Sens are going to level the Sabres. I think Lindy has lost the dressing room. Miller was on TV responding to some of Lindy's comments and the look on his face matched his words, "Whatever". Whatever doesn't win games, indifference does not bring home the cup, and a lack of respect for your coach does nothing more than distract the players from what they need to do. Score more goals.

NHL in America

This is old news, but I need to rant.

A couple of weeks ago I was in Palm Springs, CA for the Coachella festival. I was missing my beloved Sharks. Don't worry, Game 2 will be on NBC at noon! I can catch a bit before heading out into 100 degree weather.

So I eagerly turn on NBC. I hear the now familiar voice of Bill Clement in the NBC studios as I relax into my mattress. His soothing voice fills the room for about... 3 seconds, before they cut it off and switch to..... an AIR FILTRATION INFOMERCIAL. What the deuce??! And for the next hour, they go on and on about this piece of crap air filter which supposedly sucks all the toxins out of the air. You wouldn't drink water this dirty, so why breathe air? Except that the damn thing is actually kills your family: Consumer Reports calls air purifier ‘unhealthy’.

The NHL is in such bad shape, that in California, close to where the powerhouse Ducks are making a run, they prefer to show an infomercial for something that will kill your family. Unreal. Maybe the NHL should get a new motto:

My NHL: At least it doesn't harm your family.

Later on in the weekend the Rangers/Buffalo double OT game was on, to my immense surprise. The announcers couldn't stop talking about how "Barbaro: A nation's horse" would be delayed because the game was going so long. He's a freaking race horse - lots of them die. Give me a break.

The NHL has already screwed over Canada earlier in the playoffs by not showing the Sens/Pens in primetime, but instead bowing to the wishes of NBC to play it in the afternoon. Always a sound business strategy, screw you most loyal customers.

Advice to the NHL: Focus on people that care about the game - Canadians.

Go Sens!

Puck Management

Folks, we're back. The GSN fortress of solitude was under assault the past few weeks. Needless to say, we have dealt with the pesky hostiles and return to you, our loyal fans to bring you the semi finals of the Stanley Cup Race.

So, it's Ottawa and Buffalo. Can't say this is a huge shock. In fact, the most shocking development to this point was some tsn fool saying emery outplayed brodeur. Um, that's a bold statement to say the least. Anyhow, game 1 of sens-sabres series went down last nite and what a game it was. Clearly, the sens won. In fact, I still call Sens in 6. The sens have insane depth, almost everyone on the team has scored in the post season, tight defence (did buffalo even get into the zone on the PP last nite?) and the secret weapon: Oleg Saprykin. It's a theme here at the GSN, we celebrate the men behind the men. The Saprykins, the Cowans, and the Langkows. The guys that hide in the shadows of superstars to strike like ninjas. Ninjas on skates. I digress.

The best part of the game was actually the post game press conference with Lindy Ruff. He talked about puck management. "We had puck management issues" according to Ruff. WTF is puck management? Have buzzwords invaded hockey without my approval here or what? We had bad puck synergy tonite and we couldn't envision a good strategy to move up the hourglass into new business markets. We're looking at various offshoring strategies to leverage our way into emerging markets. I miss the days of Daryl Sutter press conferences:

reporter: Why did you lose Daryl?
BigD: We didn't score more goals than they did.

Stick to the facts Mr. Ruff. Your boys need to score more goals. Plain and simple.

Vancouver is done . .

Jeff Cowan, the offensive juggernaut, is out.

That is all.

And we're back

After suffering some difficulties with our feed, we're back. Back to what though? This round of the playoffs has been lacking edge. I find myself struggling to have any enthusiasm for any of the matchups save the Sens vs. the Devils. In what has been a sensational series Ottawa has really shown the true depth of their team. NJ, not known to go quietly has acquitted themselves well. Strangely, MartyB has show an uncharacteristic weakness on the glove side, not sure if this is really something worth noting or not. Vancouver is pretty much on the way out of the playoffs. You need to protect 2-goal leads and stay the hell out of Luongo's face so he can stop the puck. The Rangers can suck it too. I like how the NHL disallowed that goal by the Sabres. Very reminiscent of Game 6 CGY vs TB where a similar goal was disallowed. I applaud the NHL's consistency in making dumb calls but let's be honest, unless there's some branch of quantum physics that I'm unaware of that puck was clearly across the goal line or it was occupying a strange interdimensional wormhole. I don't know about you people, but I'll take option 1.