Monday, March 17, 2008

Main component of fairness: Fairies

Folks, I'm back. There was a strange absence of 'game-day' posts because I seem to carry the curse of the year regarding the Flames. As it stands, and has been pointed out repeatedly, the Flames need to play .500 hockey to have a hope of smelling the post season. This road trip has been, uh . . . frightening, to this point. Hopefully the win against the 'Hawks galvanizes the boys in red to a .500 road trip.

So, Pronger got suspended. Merely 8 games for his deliberate stomp on Kessler. Chris Simon on the other hand got a Hajillion* game suspension. Both are repeat offenders, both stomped on reputable NHL pests, but both are not NHL superstars. See, prongs has a history of suspensions and incidents in the NHL just like Simon. Granted, Pronger has never baseball-ed a poor fool in the face but he's done some nasty stuff. At any rate, initially there was to be no disciplinary action but then NEW VIDEO EVIDENCE surfaced and Colin Campbell had to do something. The problem I have with the handling of 'StomperGate' is simple: it's a case of limp-dickery.

1) The NHL disciplinary committee has decreed no wrong doing in the Pronger Stomp case. Before all the video evidence was reviewed. Yep, that's a classic case of limp dickery.

2) Upon further review, the NHL disciplinary committee has decreed Pronger will be suspended 8 games. Why only 8? Is it because he's the daughter of a prominent dentist? No, it's because he's a superstar. Yeah, another limp dick handling of the issue. It would be a real punishment if Pronger had to sit out the first round of the playoffs, this 8 game shit means nothing. The Ducks could sit out the rest of the regular season and still make the post season so Colin Campbell has essentially 'appeased' the public but failed to adequately hurt Pronger. Hell, I bet Pronger is stoked for the 8 game break.

Not that I am interested in the job, but were I running the NHL discipline department with the mandate of protecting the players and all that crap; my handling of Pronger would have been simple. First, make no announcements until you have received all footage from all angles. Once it has been established that there was some goonery going on I would toss out the Colin Campbell wheel of justice and give Pronger what he deserves. Not limp-dickery but a good old fashion set of balls to the face. Not just any balls people, the BALLS OF JUSTICE! In short, Hey Prongs, see you next season. No, really, next season. Take some time to reflect on your douchebaggery, take some anger management and we'll see you in October.

In conclusion, the fairness portion of the NHL disciplinary review committee is clearly run by fairies or the people in charge are lacking the spine to do what is right and necessary. When you have an established precedent, repeat offender, deliberate stomp, goonish behaviour, and ridiculously ugly = 30 game suspsion, then it only holds that if the same situation arises you dole out the same punishment. Or at least explain why so people like me don't post things referring to limp dicks. But then again, I haven't seen Pronger's Blue Steel. So maybe that's it.

** A great deal of flaccidity in this post, my apologies


walkinvisible said...

if ridiculously ugly was a factor, and the chris simon precedent was 30 games, then pronger should definitely have gotten AT LEAST a half season riding pine.

and.... why is his wife so orange ?

Rob said...

HA! I was hoping someone would notice prongs wife's orange factor. She needs to ease up on the spray tan, that's soooo lohan.

In other news, a google search of limp-dickery returns the gsn, your number one source for raving lunacy regarding sports, as the 3rd hit.

that's awesome.

Steal Thunder said...

What were the first two?