Flames vs Caps.

The Flames traverse the mighty North American continent this evening to take care of some 'bidness' with Washington's Capitals (and the rest of the Bad Boys of Punctuation).

The Caps have this one hands down. Our boys in red have failed to defeat Alex the Great and his band of merry men in their last few meetings. Come to think of it, the Flames haven't beat the Caps in like 9 years. Wow. That's awesome.

Anyhow, if you haven't been following the GSN of late, you are not aware of the curse I am currenly suffering/providing/etc. If you are aware then you know what is coming. MG once spoke of the rapture I speak of something else. Something dark and sinister. Something even Chuck Norris fears. I speak of defeat so horrible and wretched that you will want to blind yourself in an effort to spare yourself the utter depravity.

This game will get off to a dubious start with Cujo in net as Kipper has been detained by the department of homeland security. Why? Well, I suppose it's because he threw a puck in the face of a customs officer who copped a feel during the secondary inspection but it's really just a rumor. Godard and Nilson draw in again with the hope of repeating their unlikely offensive outburst against the blues. Good call Keenan. The first will end with a scoreless tie but the Caps will outshoot the Flames by at least 15 shots.

In the second frame, Ovechkin and his sidekick Backstrom will start lighting the lamp with frightening regularity earning their line the nickname 'Metamucil'. David Hale will finally score, too bad it will be an own goal. Note how the names of the CGY stars aren't being mentioned? That's because they ain't doin' nothing on the ice. Keenan will turn around and bench the 1st and 2nd line in favour of Godard and Nilson. The second period will earn the distinction of being the most expensively warmed bench in the history of the NHL. By now the Caps are ahead by a modest 5.

The Third will feature a revitalized Flames team playing with a furious anger and blind intensity. Too bad Dion will be spending most of it in the penalty box while the Flames kill off 3 consecutive minors. Hope is restored when lombo streaks in for a short handed goal but the buzz is killed with Kolzig scores. Juice will take a Regs slapshot to the nuts but in doing so will redirect the puck past a sprawling Kolzig. Nolan, Connie and Iggy will all post goals but no buzzer beaters in this one.

Caps 9 Flames 5*

* the shame of this is killing me.