Monday, May 14, 2007

Lindy Doesn't Like It Rough

The Playoffs bring out the best in people. The superstars shine, goalies make miraculous saves, the hits are bigger, the fans are crazier but I think most important of all the coaches turn it up a notch in terms of talking to the press. Lindy, pay attention to Brian over there. He's fixing you with the DFL (the Disappointed Father Look) because of your incessant outbursts in the media. Let's go up and down the list of wonderful crap Lindy has brought to the media's attention this series alone:

1) He's called out Ryan Miller. This is a stupid move, Ryan has busted his balls trying to keep the Sabres in the bloody playoffs, how about the fools out there skating around like ballerinas put the puck behind Emery. Miller is no Hasek.
2) He didn't like the hit on Tallinder. Tallinder needs to open a can of harden the fuck up. It's next to the whoopAss. He's still alive, he played in the OT, he can't be hurt that bad. Break out the MRIs, show me the pain!
3) Puck Management. Not to bring this up again but seriously Ruff, ENOUGH with the buzz words. I've never met a 5 year plan that I can't beat the shit out of. I think the Sens are showing the same level of grit, determination and willingness to get the job done.

Tonite is game 3 and the Sens are going to level the Sabres. I think Lindy has lost the dressing room. Miller was on TV responding to some of Lindy's comments and the look on his face matched his words, "Whatever". Whatever doesn't win games, indifference does not bring home the cup, and a lack of respect for your coach does nothing more than distract the players from what they need to do. Score more goals.

NHL in America

This is old news, but I need to rant.

A couple of weeks ago I was in Palm Springs, CA for the Coachella festival. I was missing my beloved Sharks. Don't worry, Game 2 will be on NBC at noon! I can catch a bit before heading out into 100 degree weather.

So I eagerly turn on NBC. I hear the now familiar voice of Bill Clement in the NBC studios as I relax into my mattress. His soothing voice fills the room for about... 3 seconds, before they cut it off and switch to..... an AIR FILTRATION INFOMERCIAL. What the deuce??! And for the next hour, they go on and on about this piece of crap air filter which supposedly sucks all the toxins out of the air. You wouldn't drink water this dirty, so why breathe air? Except that the damn thing is actually kills your family: Consumer Reports calls air purifier ‘unhealthy’.

The NHL is in such bad shape, that in California, close to where the powerhouse Ducks are making a run, they prefer to show an infomercial for something that will kill your family. Unreal. Maybe the NHL should get a new motto:
My NHL: At least it doesn't harm your family.
Later on in the weekend the Rangers/Buffalo double OT game was on, to my immense surprise. The announcers couldn't stop talking about how "Barbaro: A nation's horse" would be delayed because the game was going so long. He's a freaking race horse - lots of them die. Give me a break.

The NHL has already screwed over Canada earlier in the playoffs by not showing the Sens/Pens in primetime, but instead bowing to the wishes of NBC to play it in the afternoon. Always a sound business strategy, screw you most loyal customers.

Advice to the NHL: Focus on people that care about the game - Canadians.

Go Sens!

Friday, May 11, 2007

Puck Management

Folks, we're back. The GSN fortress of solitude was under assault the past few weeks. Needless to say, we have dealt with the pesky hostiles and return to you, our loyal fans to bring you the semi finals of the Stanley Cup Race.

So, it's Ottawa and Buffalo. Can't say this is a huge shock. In fact, the most shocking development to this point was some tsn fool saying emery outplayed brodeur. Um, that's a bold statement to say the least. Anyhow, game 1 of sens-sabres series went down last nite and what a game it was. Clearly, the sens won. In fact, I still call Sens in 6. The sens have insane depth, almost everyone on the team has scored in the post season, tight defence (did buffalo even get into the zone on the PP last nite?) and the secret weapon: Oleg Saprykin. It's a theme here at the GSN, we celebrate the men behind the men. The Saprykins, the Cowans, and the Langkows. The guys that hide in the shadows of superstars to strike like ninjas. Ninjas on skates. I digress.

The best part of the game was actually the post game press conference with Lindy Ruff. He talked about puck management. "We had puck management issues" according to Ruff. WTF is puck management? Have buzzwords invaded hockey without my approval here or what? We had bad puck synergy tonite and we couldn't envision a good strategy to move up the hourglass into new business markets. We're looking at various offshoring strategies to leverage our way into emerging markets. I miss the days of Daryl Sutter press conferences:

reporter: Why did you lose Daryl?
BigD: We didn't score more goals than they did.

Stick to the facts Mr. Ruff. Your boys need to score more goals. Plain and simple.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Vancouver is done . .

Jeff Cowan, the offensive juggernaut, is out.

That is all.

And we're back

After suffering some difficulties with our feed, we're back. Back to what though? This round of the playoffs has been lacking edge. I find myself struggling to have any enthusiasm for any of the matchups save the Sens vs. the Devils. In what has been a sensational series Ottawa has really shown the true depth of their team. NJ, not known to go quietly has acquitted themselves well. Strangely, MartyB has show an uncharacteristic weakness on the glove side, not sure if this is really something worth noting or not. Vancouver is pretty much on the way out of the playoffs. You need to protect 2-goal leads and stay the hell out of Luongo's face so he can stop the puck. The Rangers can suck it too. I like how the NHL disallowed that goal by the Sabres. Very reminiscent of Game 6 CGY vs TB where a similar goal was disallowed. I applaud the NHL's consistency in making dumb calls but let's be honest, unless there's some branch of quantum physics that I'm unaware of that puck was clearly across the goal line or it was occupying a strange interdimensional wormhole. I don't know about you people, but I'll take option 1.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Goalies in the Offseason.

Rangers Fail to wrangle Buffalo

Sean Avery: take a look at this picture. You will be seeing this all night, every night for the next 4 games of your infamous NHL career. That is if you survive that long before someone throws your agitating ass under a locomotive. That aside, the Sabres showed up and gently reminded the Rangers that they really had it easy in the first round. I'd love to comment more on this game but I have decided it's going to be a clean sweep of the Rangers and there is no need to watch.

Round 2: FIGHT

It was a tough night for luongo. He spent 5 occasions in a position similar to this with the puck staring back at him menacingly. The pucks they use in the NHL are a nasty breed. Look at the fear in his eyes! That being said the night started well for the Canucks with the offensive juggernaut Jeff Cowan notching his 7th goal of the year. He's totally dominating the ice and my office hockey pool. Sadly, annoyingly and somewhat unacceptably the Ducks turned things around. Teamoo Salivanuts scored. Then some kid from McDonalds or somesuch. I have to be honestly, saying anything positive about the Ducks ranks up there with that burning sensation I feel when I pee. I can't respect a team that was inspired by a disney movie. I can't respect Chris Pronger. Yeah yeah, he can beat me up but he's in Anaheim and I'm not. ScottyN is cool though, what's he doing with those freaks! Getzlaf should be ashamed of himself too. Anyhow, hatred for the Ducks aside, the Nucks better buckle down and score some goals.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Round 2

San Jose in 6
Anaheim in 5
Buffalo in 6
Ottawa in 7

Monday, April 23, 2007

Vancouver, you're our only hope. . .

This man had a message for the offensively offense-less Vancouver Canucks; "Step up or I will send you to 3-a-days in Siberia." Actually, I just made that up but it rings true. In what was the hardest weekend this season for us here at GSN central, our hopes of a western-Canadian team moving to round two rest squarely on the shoulders of Luongo, the Sedin sisters, and Jeff Cowan. I can't offer any prognostication for the final contest of round 1. In fact, our spirits could be broken for good by the end of the evening. I'm tired of Drew Remenda and company pointing to the stat of ShotsOnGoal (SOG) and claiming that 'Pucks on Net' make 'good things happen'. A better stat is scoring chances. How many offensive zone scoring chances did each team have? Anyhow, Canucks better win this one. Please.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Game 6 Mini Post DET vs CGY

The GSN war-room is currently located at Rob's place. In Game Coverage, sorta live.*

Um. Officially, this sucks. Noodles should have slashed you harder Franzen. Much Much harder.

10:12: Going by SOG, this game should be over.

9:53: A 4 minute PK. This doesn't look good for the Flames. Drew Remenda needs to find a new job.

9:45: Flames PP. Drew Remenda thinks it's a bad call. Drew Remenda is an idiot.

9:27: OT Suckas.

9:25: wtf. GSN Central is alternating between Rage, Excitement, and Anxiety.

9:12: Drew Remenda: "It creates a 3 on 1 when Dion Phaneuf jumps in the back door" Jesus Drew, you really need to tape yourself and listen to it.

9:11: Calgary is clearly playing for the overtime point. I think Colorado is losing, so this is clearly a good strategy. *disgust*

8:42: Anxiety is the name of the second intermission. A tie dammit.

8:29: Tony Amonte, aka CRAZY LEGS. Please do NOT touch the puck. Because when you do, Detroit scores.

8:25: Can noise damage concrete? Gotta loves those Flames Fans.

8:22: The boys look good this period, Drew Remenda needs to change his shorts after commentating on Mika's amazing flexibility and goal tending.

8:15: JAAAAROOOME IGINLA!




*Game 5 will be discussed Monday.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Friday, April 20, 2007

Dropping like Flies

Buffalo in 5. It looks like every analyst in the world was right. Too bad that doesn't include me, I didn't think the NYI would win a game.

Ducks in 5. Zzzzz. I have to admit this team is a juggernaut, especially on the backend with Pronger and Neidermayer. They would be a tough 2nd round match up for the Flames if they were fortunate enough.

Rangers sweep. I thought Atlanta would make a much stronger showing. Ouch. Are the Rangers for reals?

Dallas eeks out a game 5 win in OT. One thing Andrew and I can agree on - the Canucks fans are annoying. Louuuuu. You know, I still think Dallas could pull this one out. Hold serve at home and anything can happen in Game 7. Turco truly deserves better; he has redeemed himself this year.

NJ up 3-2 on TB. Since a 7 seed always upsets a 2, I picked TB since I didn't think Wild could handle the Ducks. TB has scored a lot of fluky goals. I doubt they can pull another 2004 SCF.

Watching Sharks/Preds right now. 2-2 in the third. Preds with their 3rd 5 min major/game misconduct of the series. They have to be the dirtiest team in hockey.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

I realize everyone is posting this, and I stole it from Hockeygirl, but this is too good to pass up. My American co-worker wants to know why there are people with cowboy hats, buffaloes, and hockey. Why would cowboys care about hockey?


Phaneuf hit on Datsyuk

Some of us are at GSN are bitter about Phaneuf's greatness. We post videos where he looks like a goof. Meanwhile, some of us think Phaneuf is the 2nd coming of Chuck Norris. We have crazy man-crushes on Dion.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

72 Days Until July 1 When the Oilers Become More Awesome Than Your Life

Best Game of the Playoffs - Game 4

Unlike most Cowtown fans I didn't think the Flames were playing that great in Game 3. I mean, it was orders of magnitude better than in Detroit, but that isn't saying anything. They weren't feeding off the crowd. When they scored and the crowd went into a frenzy, they played without emotion. They weren't hitting everything that moved, save the one gorgeous Phaneuf hit.

Tonight was a thing of beauty. For some reason, I just hadn't been feeling the normal playoff butterflies-in-your-stomach, edge of your seat, punching the couch excitement. Most of that was probably due to a couple of embarassing games in Hockey Town, and the Predators being more dirty than physical.

But tonight was just raw excitement. IMHO, the crowd was way better tonight. Even right after Detroit would score, "GO FLAMES GO" chants rang out loud and clear. The constant chants of Hassssekkkkkk were fantastic. The last 5 mins were so intense I was squeezing my pillow like a woman in labour. During the checking line shift with 3 mins to go, I was standing up clapping like an idiot despite watching it alone. Time-shifted. On my PVR.

The first period was crazy. I loved Iginla getting into Hasek's head and seeing him flop like a fish out of water. Hasek got up pretty quickly when he realized Babbcock was going to eat him alive. So he thinks to himself, how can I get Iginla back? He does a partial Bertuzzi/Simon and attempts to swing that paddle. Too bad he thought better of that too - if he connected with any gusto he'd be gone for the playoffs. You gotta love the contrast between Kipper and Hasek. I enjoyed Remenda's anecdote of Kipper asking the two refs "Maybe you guys should switch positions?" and how after a 51 shot game 2 Kipper lamented "Yeah, I was sort of busy but it's fine".

A wasted 5 on 3 by Calgary, but on the 5 on 4 Detroit left Langkow wide open in the slot and he buried it. Unfortunately the Flames again failed to feed off the crowd. Booing Bertuzzi seemed to wake him up. Sloppy play behind the net leads to a Bertuzzi goal. Conroy comes down with a bit of a fluke goal, but give him credit for shooting with a couple of Wings screening Hasek. Again, the Flames aren't capitalizing on the momentum shift and pretty soon Bertuzzi gives Franzen a nice pass. That line was trouble all night.

The other guy who was dangerous all night, and all series... Kris Draper. How good is he? He's so good that when Sutter broke up the Grind Line by taking D-Mac, Detroit doesn't miss a beat. This guy goes balls-to-the-wall all night. I love him. Like Grier on SJ. I'd kill to have him on the Flames. Not an amazing talent but just great grit, determination, hockey sense, leadership. Exactly what the Flames need these days. But I digress...

Lidstrom with his 2nd rare mistake of the serious, holding up Iginla, who was a horse all night. Again, the Flames make them pay on the 5-3. What a beautiful pass by Tanguay. The guy really makes all his teammates better. And with him starting to hit, he could become 0.75 of a Joe Thornton.

Flames finally harnessed energy in the 3rd. Great PKs. Amazing shot blocking. Keep their feet moving all night.

Guys/Things I noticed tonight:

Stephan Yelle - Sandbox is 0.75 of a Kris Draper. Great energy. When it seemed like nobody on the Flames could clear the zone, Yelle found a way.

Marcus Nilson - Wow! It seemed like he was fading this year, but turned it on late. He reminds me of '04 now. Great chance alone on Hasek. A few great PK shifts and a strong forecheck all night.

Jarome Iginla - Playing with a fire in his belly. No goals but making Lidstrom clutch, and a few great chances down low.

Daymond Langkow - What can you say. 2 times alone in the slot, 0 mistakes. He really stepped up.

Miikka Kiprusoff - I want your babies. Nuff said. Actually, it's not enough said. Even in the final 5 mins when Flames couldn't clear, Kipper was air tight. Did you see how fast he was moving on that CBC replay with the 3 save series? Just brilliant. No way would I take Hasek over this guy.

Craig Conroy - Only for the first period though. Good PK, good goal. The rest of the game he disappeared, and was terrible on the faceoff dot.

Brad Stuart - Very solid game. Great shot blocking.

Roman Hamrlik -
Best defenceman tonight. Goal saving play after Giordano made an awful play at the blueline. And a huge hit behind the net on... Draper I think.

Kris Draper - You rock.

Dom Hasek -
You are a spaz.

Don Whitman - Could you make an action packed, edge-of-your-seat game sound any less exciting? It's time to put Cole, Neale and Whitman out to pasture. The future is Jim Hughson, and Chris Cuthbert. Maybe Gord Miller for bronze.

Flames PK - Dynamite all night. Clearing it again and again. Extremely impressive. The Versus guys love to talk about the Detroit PP. Hopefully they don't look at the numbers.

Flames entering the zone - What a fantastic job! Crossing the blue line with speed, with numbers. Calgary barely had any offsides all night.

2 Minute Minors for Hooking - I think there were 9 of them in the game! Argh! Don't be calling that crap in the third. Even that one on Lebda hooking Lombardi in the third was BS. One thing I'll give the refs credit for - they were consistent. I didn't feel much hate for them since they seemed impartial.

Fantastic game. I'm tired of all these series ending in 5 games. This one has some passion now.

A New Hope

Even without the mighty Chewbacca (Robyn Regs); Han Solo (Tangs), Obi Wan Kenobi (Amonte), Luke Skywalker (Matts Lombo) will be up to the task of defeating the evil Galactic Empire. Count on special guest appearances from Lando Calrissian (Iggy) and Princess Leia (Warrener). Comedic relief will be provided by Stu-ey, Zueyi and Gio as they plaster the ugly mug of Dan Cleary into a plexiglass oblivion. Lord Vader (Bertuzzi) will likely be owned in a 'Who's your Daddy?' fashion and the old and busted Emperor (Hasek) will again be busy getting peppered by a revitalized Flames.

Potential Line up for the Flames:
Forwards
Huselius - Langkow - Iginla
Tanguay - Conroy - Moss
Primeau - Lombardi - Amonte <--- Crazy Legs? Still?
Friesen - Yelle - Nilson
Scratches: Godard, Ritchie, McCarty
Defence
Hamrlik - Phaneuf
Stuart - Warrener
Giordano - Zyuzin <---- WHAT THE EFF?
Goaltender
Kiprusoff


Frankly, Playfair kills me. What the lines should be:
O Groups:
tanguay-conroy-iggy
juice-langkow-moss
preems-ritchie-lombo
freisen-yelle-nilson (the only line I agree with)
D pairs:
Hammer - Warrener
Gio - Phaneuf
Stu - Zyu

I hope he reads this. It's his only hope.

Pens vs Sens Pregame Report: UFC Stanley Cup Edition.


A prophetic stat: The Senators are 4-0 when holding a 3 games to 1 in the post season. I am sure Bettman will be sad but I feel it in my bones, the Penguins are going home defeated tonight. Let's discuss what everyone really wants to talk about, Ray Emery and Sid Crosby. It's clear that the Pens have a standing order to uh, get in Emery's personal space. I question the wisdom of crashing a goalie that boxes in the offseason and thinks Wesley Snipes should play him in a movie. Even Sid got in on the 'Let's crash Emery party' last game and the noted 'tough' goalie had some words for the young NHL superstar. Sadly, when asked, Emery played coy and said he didn't remember the exact words but there were likely some expletives. I bet it sounded like, "I will F**king f**k you the f**k up." Ray Emery's tough guy image is well deserved. Sidney? Well he needs to take lessons from Jarome Iginla. Anyhow, should be a fun night. I suspect the Pens are done after this game. Remember when this series started and Brian Murray said his boys were the underdogs?

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Crackers and Canucks


Brent Sopel has had a rough week. With what may be the worlds most dangerous cracker now safely in the confines of an ebay bidding war, Sopel can heal up. Perhaps he can aid his team against the Stars by visiting Turco with a box of Saltines? All kidding aside, the Nucks have been handling the Stars well. Very well in fact with Modano not even registering a shot on goal in last evenings game. Even Ribiero was held off the board, I suspect he may unveil his special move, the electric fish, in the next game.

What can we expect to see in the next game? I think Vancouver will get 'er done. Turco and company will be send home for the 3rd season. Momentum is on the side of Bongo and Sedin Sister. I may go as far to say Cowan scores the winner. Cowan is an offensive juggernaut.