PJ Stock is Loose

I was gonna write a post about PJ Stock and Ronnie brawling for the right to be on hockey night in Canada, but then I just went on living my life.

Right now the only thing worth living for is watching the Flames take on the Sharks for game 7. You all know what is at stake so I will spare you the cliches.

See you in the trenches.

ANAHEIM SPIES SPOTTED AT 'DOME

The Ducks have sent spies up north in the event they end up facing Calgary in their quest for Lord Stanley's Chalice. (Not effin' likely if Dallas has their way)

Like any good fan I post this image with a dire warning to all geeses and ducks. It's APRIL bitches, you are supposed to be in Florida. If you're here it's obvious you're spying.

To the Ducks I suggest the following, worry about the Stars. Turco and the terrors are owning you. Thank heavens. Next to whichever team Avery is on, the Ducks are the second last team I want to see be successful this year.

UPDATE: Apparently one of the geese has been romantically linked with PJ Stock.

Game 5: UPDATE

GOOOOOAAAAAAL by IGGY!

Deal with it people, I'm 100 times better looking than PJ Stock.

Game 5: Sup Dog?

Via Trapper:

Hello GSN'ers. I'm just kicking it in my Jersey watching game 5. I have been intently watching the officiating and I have reached this simple conclusion:

I think the NHL officials would be put to better use licking my balls. It's a full time job so I'm accepting applications.

GO FLAMES!

The Church of Sarich. . .

. . . is now in session, Marleau you've been baptized.

The Flames like to do it from behind

At approximately 3.8 minutes into last evening tilt against the sharks I was tempted to turn the TV off in disgust. First, the lousy officiating and perhaps the 3 goals scored by the vile SJ Sharks. I can't recall Kipper ever being chased from the net in this fashion.

Now, I am fully supportive of the Flames desire to be branded underdogs, I get that they play best under a bit of pressure but wow, that was a nail biter.

To be honest, I cannot think of a better game if you are looking for an example of momentum. And the irony? The much maligned Sarich orchestrated the whole damn thing. Rumor on the street: The Church of Sarich is now in session, you don't get baptized with a splash of water, you get crushed into the boards. Look, just ask Marleau he joined up last evening. (BTW, mad props to marleau for getting up and playing like a man possessed for the remainder of the game, can the pundits stop calling him soft now?)

The Flames PP called fedex, and hey they delivered going 2/2. I can't think of a better game for it to click. Cheers Dion, I hope you and Elisha had some wild hero sex last night because I think you kinda deserved it.

In other news, I would like to point out all the contributions from the secondary crew. SJ has been pretty solid at marginalizing the big guns at even strength, but that's cool because we've got Yelle, Nolan, Connie and Sarich. At this rate I bet even Hale gets on the board.

Lastly, the Kipper and Cujo. I think it's fair to say Daz was right all along in acquiring Cujo. Not that Kipper isn't up to the task but it has to be a bit of relief to know that Cujo can backstop the boys if needed. Heading into game 4 is a bit of a tricky proposition, do you start Cujo or Kipper? I can't say but it will be interesting to see what Keenan does.

PS, I know get why Keenan plays the random lines game, because now he can perch comfortably behind the bench knowing that anyone can play with anyone else. Given the way Keenan runs the bench it could be the most genius and intriguing thing I have ever seen.

PPS I wonder if that crazy kipper stat from the 03-04 run holds true, any game where the Kipper let in more than three goals he returned to win, mainly with a shutout.

Game 3: In Game Blogging

Wow. This game is off to an extraordinarily bad start. At first I thought it was the people in the sea or red wearing white (people what color is the sea of red? this is a rhetorical question) but the real concern was the Sharks scoring 3 unanswered goals in like 72 seconds. I am pretty sure MG is completely wasted and WI is wondering if the jersey has to go.

It is just me or does the officiating stink in the playoffs. I am not referring to just the CGY-SJ series. League wide, something of pungent nature is taking place. Has anyone kept tabs on Mick Magoo(sic)?

Sarich deserves a gold star for levelling Marleau, what a hit! And thanks Dion for scoring. We might get back into this one. More next intermission.

CONROY BLOWN CHANCE COUNTER: 3
Seriously now, stop giving him the puck. Nabby is to strong for him.

Ok, so we have 3 minutes left, not going to put this in the win column yet but wow, did the sharks ever prematurely blow the proverbial load. Gotta save something for the rest of the game dudes.

This is not an ad for hair restoration

...But it really could be. I am doing my best to support the Flames but my hair follicles are letting me down.

Guess who isn't letting me down, Stephane Yelle. Ol' Sandbox showed some grit last night and hot damn did Iggy and Kipper put on a clinic. I have been reserved about the Flames chances here in the post season but last evening was reminiscent of a few years back.

A Quick Spin around the Playoffs:
How the mighty have fallen. The Sens will be lucky if the Commish doesn't enact a mercy rule by game three and allow Roberts and Co a bye into the SC final. It's a bad day at the office when a 50 year old dude owns your entire team. And would someone remind volchenkov that you shouldn't block pucks with your face?

The Avs and Wild, I honestly don't really care. The wild are the most boring team in the NHL.

Poor Boston. MTL has their number.

Avery cannot make the next round. Period.

Flames and Sharks tonight:
Flames win, another one goal nail biter.

Is it 2004?

SANDBOX IS BACK!

I have decided to get a mohawk in honor of the Flames. Now I don't want to get excited but the mighty sharks don't seem so mighty . . . (fingers crossed)

More later gang, I am swamped at work.

**UPDATE:
So, I wanted the frohawk but it's not really possible. Depsite my receding hairline I got the mo-fauxhawk done. Ironically, it's more of a whoa-hawk. Pics soon . . .

Gone Baby Gone

Was going to go with the picture of Linden and Iginla shaking hands, but quickly realized that meant I would be voluntarily placing a Jarome Iginla on my post. It's a real shame Dustin Boyd wasn't there too ruin his second shot at #50. So hello Joel Otto, it's been a while. How's the good life treating you?

Goodbye Trevor Linden. Way to go Canucks for making sure he went out in style. At least we didn't totally tank the game and lose like 8-1 or something. Although if we left Bobby Lou in there I think Calgary could've scored 10. With the season he's been having they shouldn't have even started him last night. Anyways much like Stan Smyl, Tony Tanti and Kirk McLean before you, its off to the glue factory Canucks old-timers games. Here's hoping they let you wear the 'C'.

No Winny in Minny

Ok, it was a busy evening in the NHL. There are a few things I would like to cover.

1) Wild vs Calgary:
The officiating in the NHL has taken a turn for the worse heading into the post season. There exists a historical precedent regarding end of season reffing but this is ludicrous. Vandemeer gets his stick slashed into pieces and goes off for 2? Burns punches Dion and doesn't get an instigator? Wow. And let's not forget paint drying has a higher entertainment value than the Wild playing with a lead. Admiral Ackbar said it best: "It's a TRAP we can't repel officiating of that magnitude!"

2) Flames have limped into the post season.
Again, we have to thank the Oilers for both playing like animals and knocking out the Canucks allowing us to secure a playoff berth. Next season we cannot expect the same nicety from the Oil as they will be marching into the post season all by their onesy selves, savvy? Now, one predicament the Flames need to avoid is losing to the canucks on Saturday thereby ensuring a round 1 meeting with the SJ Sharks. In that highly likely scenario the round 1 winner is going rhyme with 'Fran Hosie Parks' and not 'the Frames'. Of course, I don't want to put any pressure on Calgary here but please so us all a favour and FUCKING WIN on Saturday.

3) OTT vs Leaves.
Wow, people rag on Dion for being a punk, and he is a wee bit punkish on the ice, but how about Bell and Tucker? They are out and out douchebags. If you fail to make the playoffs there is no better way to build a reputation of douchebaggery than running over the oppositions star captain or threatening to take out another opposition star players knee. While you're in the penalty box. On national fucking television. Bell? Well he's making lots of friends.

4) Chris Chelios
Chelios is a muppet.

This could be it for Markus and Trevor

And it may all end with a whimper. It's quite likely that Saturday's game with the Flamers will be the last game in a Canuck's jersey for Naslund or Linden (or both). Linden simply shouldn't be around next year. He's one of my all-time favourite Canucks but keeping him around for six goals a year just isn't going to cut it on a team that has such difficulties scoring. And for a team with such great scoring issues Naslund's decline has been particularly troublesome. Look at his point totals for his last five NHL seasons - 104, 84, 79, 60 and 55 with one game left this season. He's a free agent this summer and perhaps the Canucks ought to consider what else they could get for 6 mil a season.

It is simple.

GOTTA WINNY IN MINNY.

Let's not forget Canada's Team

[Thank goodness for the edit function]

I don't ask much. A cold beer after a hard days work. My Pizza delivered warm. Clean sheets once a week. And of course, the Canucks in the playoffs. Now that the Oilers are officially done, we are left with a few different scenarios. The most likely is that the Flames are in and that the last Western spot will come down to Nashville or The Swedish Bikini Team. Ok, that's the most likely scenario when you read the NHL standings whilst drunk off your ass. Apparently I was slightly off here. Whoopsies. I'm probably what jinxed them into losing tonight. Dammit all!

Now, fellow Canadians I ask of you --- do we really want Nashville - Nashville!!!...in the playoffs?!?! Jason Arnott has had his chance at playoff glory and it is not quite Dan Ellis' time yet. So I dare say as Canadians we owe it to the Canucks to cheer for them as they make their final playoff push. And don't worry Flames fans I won't tell anyone that you'll be cheering for Vancouver's finest this coming Saturday. Guess it doesn't matter now. Maybe next year we can get that offense back on track. Guess now I will have to figure out which teams playoff bandwagon to join..

Farewell Greasers

Despite a thrilling surge in the latter part of the season, the Oilers fell out of playoff contention at the hands of the Flames. Surges, as the US military can attest, are gambles at best but this one nearly worked. That being said, I feel the Oil deserve a huge congrats on playing some of the most exciting hockey ever (16-2 in the final stretch, that's amazing). Next season watch out. A great game last night.

Our Calgary Flames have yet to clinch a spot. I am glad they are road tripping right now and not home getting caught up in all the hubbub of Junos (for the US readers the Junos are like the oscars but Canadian*). As usual, our division is somewhat undecided at this point and the term 'logjam' or 'constipation' or perhaps even 'intestinal blockage' could serve as a poetic metaphor. The solution is simple, WD 40. When you need a quick-slick-clinch of sixth place look no further than north america's favorite lubricant. (that just sounds dirty)

In other news, I would like to remind my fellow Flames fans (if you can take time out of your busy schedule beating down that douchebag that was unfortunately wearing an oilers jersey) that we do not have much right to gloat over our defeat of the Oilers. At no point during the regular season has Edmonton fielded a complete roster. With the likes of Horrcoff, Torres, Moreau et al being sidelined more consistently than the Flames results it's a wonder they were even contesting a playoff spot. Likewise for the Canucks. Despite the fact I strongly dislike Van and would personally torch the Sedin's bunkbeds (with them in it) Calgary has proven inept at beating the mani-fucking-toba moose. Pound for pound, Calgary has had it easy with injuries and should have put the Oil and Vancouver on the fast track to missing the post season.

Of course, I am sure MG will provide a solid fanalytical perspective, I am just going from the gut here. In short, the next two games must be won. Put on your big girl pants CGY, it's a man's game.

* yes I know the junos are about music and not motion pictures ;-)

Year of the Paper Tiger

Coming up with something witty to say has been challenging. The very hard reality of this season, to be postmortem-ed soon, bears a remarkable resemblance to the much feared yet oft slain paper tiger.


This evening marks the final edition of this seasons battle of Alberta. It is a battle that has spilled onto the streets although this guy kinda looks like a douchebag (I am kidding, but did it really take 4 dudes to beat him down? that seems excessive to me). The theme of tonight's tilts is Old vs New. The Flames represent the Old and the Oilers full of fresh faced rookies represent the New. For both teams the result of this game could hold the key to the post season. Calling this game a must win does not accurately convey the gravity of the situation, the walk from the locker room to the ice is equivalent to the march to the gallows. By the end of the night, the trap door will be sprung choking the life out of one teams playoff hopes.

Help us David Hale, you're our only hope . . .

PS Regs, no screwing around tonite.
PPS Lanks, SCORE A GOAL
PPPS Preems, FOCUS you too can score a goal
PPPPS No Micky Reffing tonite, perhaps tripping, goalie crashing and being a shithead are legit penalties again. WOO HOO