A Long Expected Update

So, it's been awhile. I'd apologize but I have been stricken by a terrible disease. Lazy-ass cantwriteapostitis. Luckily, the Calgary Flames Blogosphere met last evening and pried me out of my lethargy. Duncan, MetroGnome, WalkInvisible, Leanne and Dave (and some others) are some good people and even better company. At any rate, after we calculated the degrees separation between us we got down to business. In Brief:

The 6 Game winning streak on the road was nice. Don't get too excited. Those wins were courtesy of Iggy so please, stop talking about a leadership void in the dressing room. The Flames on paper should be winning the Stanley Cup; ironically, the opposition is not bowing to our statistical superiority. If championships were won on stats alone the Yankees would have won the World Series 40 times. On ice, the Flames have been performing at a mediocre level. I'm kinda low on clever ideas as to why. The only consistent theme has been the unpredictability of the Calgary Flames.

Nystrom is in my good books. I love his energy, grit, and determination. Why, we should refer to him as Sandbox II. Conroy is on the fast track to be sweeping out the arena after game (don't worry though, he'll pull it together) and Kipper continues to be having a rough year.

UPDATE SOON!

I promise. Worst week ever to be busy. So many postable things occuring in the NHL.

Flames Bottle Lightning

As most of the loyal GSN readers are Canadians (google analytics baby, I'm watching you watch me) you may be asking why the post game report has a picture of Timmies. Well, have you ever been to a Timmies located next to a highway and they guy in front of you orders the mythical insta-arteryClogger cholesterolEhancer massive-coronary in-a-biodegradable cup TRIPLE-TRIPLE? I have and it's not pretty. What is pretty though is the Calgary Flames blasting in 9 goals against the TB Lightning. In one game. Better yet, Iggy and the Juice posting hat tricks each henceforth known as the Triple-Triple. To make up for his sieve like goal tending, Kipper posted an assist as well.

So, let's stop the bus here a second. Last nights goal-a-thon was PPV so I had to listen to the fan960 on the internet. I may have missed some of the key elements but it sure seems like everyone got some huge points last evening. Even on the TB side as they pumped in a mere 6 goals themselves. All I can say is WTF?

Keenan was quoted as saying: "Anything that could happen, did. Neither coach would be happy with this game in terms of the defensive play. And if you're an offensive coach, you loved it. I don't there there are any offensive coaches in the league"

Oh, Iron Mike, I beg to differ. Tortorella is a pretty offensive guy. I'm sure his post game comments were, "YEARGH RAWRG GGGGNNNSH We NEED SOME GODDAMN GOALTENDING!" then he likely had to change his shorts because he soiled them with rage. The big T also dies his beard.

So it is still not time to get excited about the Flames. Please remain fashionably calm. Yes they have strung together 3 wins but Kipper didn't do so hot, Eriksson has returned to minus 70 kabillion and our PP still looks iron deficient in a Mischa Barton sort of way. Winning is good, and I will gladly accept the 2 points but chalk this one up to revenge for TB winning the cup in 2004. If the Flames return from this road trip 6-0 then I will get excited. I might even squee. Not before.

BREAKING NEWS!

THE LOCH NESS MONSTER HAS BEEN FOUND!

-- CORRECTION --
The loch ness monster has NOT been found. The Flames offensive lines found their mojo instead.

The Flames scored 9 goals last night, I bet some fools in the safeway score and win competition won a personal Airbus A380 or something. Hot damn what a score!

The Church of Kiprusoff

All Rise

It would appear, after the last few outings, that Miikka is finding his groove. With a save percentage creeping back in the ~0.90 range and a plummeting GAA we look no further than Martha Stewart to reach this startling conclusion: it's a good thing. Can I get an AMEN for stealing the game against the Chicago? Can I also get an AMEN for a solid performance (in the shootout no less) against the Panthers.

Iggy's on a tear, the Juice is loose, and Eriksson is only minus a kabillion a clear improvement from November where he was minus a hajillion. I don't want to be bold and say we're turning the corner but the Flames have caught on that they need to perform at a ridiculous pace for the rest of the season to ensure a sniff of the post season. For details visit the numerically enhanced fiveholefanatics for an awesome perspective of the crosby hype please visit openicehits.

Flames Penguins Roast Pre-game

MetroGnome has it covered: CHECK IT

Man, I can't wait for Regs to introduce Crosby to our new boards.

GuerillaTactics: The Sidney Hype Machine

In a deviation from my usual 'plot' I would like to discuss the Oilers. Now, it's known that I am not an Oilers fan. However, I did cheer them on in during their cup run and I have to admit they are impressing me of late with their determination and grit. This will be a tough year for them but look out in the future. But last night, the Pens visited the Oilers. I would like to discuss that.

Firstly, let's discuss the Bettman powered HYPE-O-TRON 3000 that is Sidney Crosby. I can't recall such nonsensical bullshit about one player 'debuting' in western Canada. For the love of all that is proper! TSN had a dedicated 24 hour panel discussing the impact of Sid's visit. Ironically, during the intermission they even admitted they were contributing to the hype just a wee bit. Crosby is talented, I will not take that away from him. However, he is but one man, he's also 20 years old, and let's not forget he's got a halfway decent supporting cast (Talbot, Malkin, Staal, etc). Bettman seems to be hitching the entire NHL on his shoulders which is depressing as hell.

Tangent # 1:
Personally, I do not want the NHL to become like the NFL with it's strange misogynist and church like aura. I think good old Gary is going for exactly that feel. Growing up, HNIC was a family event that included everyone and the dog. I suggest to you that my pup knew the Flames lineup as well as anyone. The stereotype of football is that women fetch the snacks and ask silly questions during the game (granted this may be far from the truth but you cannot deny the stereotypes associated with Sunday Football, Monday Night Football). When we talk hockey, my wife is a better hockey fan than me (casually dominating several pools which I never do), and if we look around at the blogs, the HLOG community proves that ladies like the hockey too. Gary, it's a family thing, not a testosterone fest.

The game itself was BORING as the Oilers completely dominated the Pens during the first two periods. So how did we end up with the Pens winning? Well, I'm no conspiracy theorist but I think someone made a call, perhaps threatened to move the Oiler franchise to Venezuela, in the event the Pens were not allowed to win the game. In the third period the Oil just stopped playing. That's not a characteristic of that team in any sense. I hope they got paid for going down in the 3rd. . .

Tangent #2:

Superstars. I am damn tired of the media fawning over Sid and Ovie. Good lord, these guys have a ways to go before they can legitimately be compared to Gretzky or anyone for that matter. If you look at the bona fide superstars, (Orr, Howe, Gretz, Messy, Sakic, Iggy etc) you notice one thing, LONGEVITY. Gary Roberts is a superstar in opinion, he's been at this hockey thing for 20 years! I only need to point to Lindros. So much potential, one nasty hit and he was never the same. Anyhow, my point is this: show some love to all the young guns, Kane, Toews, Phaneuf, Gagne, Cogs, etc. You have a veritable plethora of potential superstars, not just two. Oh wait, we only fawn over players in the US, the market Bettman is so desperately trying to 'break into'

So, back to Bettman. In a sentence, he's gotta go. I don't think he has the foresight to lead the NHL into the future in a sustainable manner. If he botches the next CBA and there is a lockout/strike the NHL is DONE. That would be a sad sad day. And his voice annoys me. So before Sid collapses under all the pressure of being Bettman's personal messiah can we diversify the NHL portfolio and look to spread the risk around a bit? Bettman is one 'hit from behind' away from losing the NHL. (he must break into night terrors whenever the Pens play the Flyers)

Pregame vs The Blues.

Tonite, Jarome the Conqueror leads his paltry army against the vile STL Blues. Ironically, blue is the current color of my mood when the Flames are mentioned.

While a pregame is not the place to mention this suff I would like to get a few things off my chest. If you're short on time scroll on past this to the prediction section.

1) Iginla. Words cannot capture the greatness of Iggy. Be it a dominating presence on the ice, scoring goals, setting up goals, leading the team. . . is there anything he can't do better than most others in the league? Where would we be without him.

2) Kipper. Kipper is off his game. Seeing as this is the first slump we have had with him between the pipes I suggest everyone dial down the panic and dial up the support. Everyone loves a winner, especially when they are winning. If you're at the game tonite maybe whip up a sign 'We're here for Kipper' or perhaps, 'Win one for the Kipper!'.

3) Keenan. I can't decide if he's a genius or a complete and utter idiot. Playing Phaneuf 30 minutes a game is stupid and makes Dion stupid. Anyone catch the 'spinning pirouette pokey check' Dion tried on Getzlaf? That's a classic symptom of fatigue. Getzy is a guy you crush into the boards, you don't stick check him. I think Dion knows this. How about Keenan playing Ramholt for a total of 45 seconds? Geez, the kid made a mistake let him try to make up for it. Lastly, who bag skates their team the day of a game? Keenan apparently. I'd say some of the Flames problems are stemming from being beat down. For that Keenan is a fool.

4) Rumored changes. Man, Keenan is here for the year so settle down people. Secondly, don't expect a trade, we have nothing to offer anyone right now. Who you gonna give up? The scouts want Phaneuf or Iggy, the two most non-tradeable players we currently have. Ain't gonna happen.

Prediction:
STL is on the prowl. If you haven't noticed of late they are 8-1-1 over the last 10. One could say they are hot in a Jamaican Jerk chicken sort of way. You don't think it's hot until you're scrounging for tums to stop the intestinal burning. The Flames, on the other hand, are decidedly not hot. In fact, one wonders if their ability to win is at the city morgue with a toe tag reading Dead on Arrival. Of course these are the facts. Since when are predictions based on fact? The Flames are going to win this one. Jarome is going to get at least 3 points because Toivonen will lose his shit and resemble a sieve. The Juice will break the slump while playing on the 3rd line with Nolan and Nystrom (yeah, I know it's not possible given positions and such but work with me here). Regehr will get the hit of the game after rubbing out Stempniak as he attempts to streak in to the offensive zone. Kipper will bust out his best Ron Hextall impression and knock Tanguay the fuck out because Tangs will score STL's only goal in the game. This goal will be awarded to Keith T-Chunk.

Flames:4 STL: 1