Prediction Season

ESPN, the most amazing sports team in the galaxy, took some time away from Monday night football to partake in the preseason prognostication party. Apart from the asinine alliteration, I would like to highlight the humor value of the ESPN team in addition to the few pearls of wisdom.

Firstly, ESPN thinks Dion Phaneuf is looking pretty good for the Norris. I say HA! As if. Everyone knows Sidney Crosby is going to win it with his commanding presence in both ends of the rink. Clearly I am kidding, but while we're at it, you know who is missing from this list? Hal Gill aka the USS Hal Gill. Check out www.thepensblog.com if you don't believe me.

Scott Burnside and Linda Cohn seemed to have some reasonable picks but then I saw Tampa Bay in there. WTF people. Stamkos can't save hockey in Florida and Melrose can take his coif and blue steel impression all the way back to ESPN's broadcast booth. TBay needs to ship it's roster up north for some harden-the-fuck-up training if the games in Sweden were any indication. Rookie of the year and most ridiculously good looking coach is all they have in the pipeline. At least Scott and Linda got one thing right, Trogdor is going to win the cup. BURNINATION!

Notably, you'll notice (sic) that Kipper is missing from the Vezina picks. I have to agree on this and yet deep down hope that I am dreadfully wrong. Kipper looked brutal in the preseason and typically has a terrible start. Thing is, at $8M this season he needs to have a great start and perform like Kipper from 04 or the trade deadline might have a painful boot to the arse of the unflapable Finn.

Also on my gripe list is this notion that the Dallas Stars are somehow going to win the Cup. Look, this is the NHL not the academy of motion picture arts and sciences. There are no lifetime achievement awards and the only way to foist Lord Stanley's Chalice is to drag yourself through hell. The stars have proven, repeatedly, they can't handle the big dance.

But the internet is a vast and magical place. If you look hard enough you can find something or someone that tells you what you want to hear. PuckPassion is that place if you're a Flames fan. I'm a bit choked because the Predict-o-tron 2000 was used without our permission but I like the result.